Aut's Ramblings

raw.

2012-01-04T00:13:00.001-05:00

...and i thought the summer was hard.

it's almost comical to me in this moment. you take so much heartache sometimes all that's left to do is laugh.

and then cry some more.

this summer = people leaving.

2011-08-12T11:59:00.003-05:00

Marta, my mother-in-law, passed away.

Good friends Dwan & Jordan, Madeline and Alex moved to NC last week...after putting in their 2 weeks notice.

Katie, our trusted and reliable and super-available babysitter is moving to college and is therefore no longer available.

My sister, Hope, is moving to California on Tuesday to begin her college days.

Uncle Skip & Aunt Janet and all their kiddos are moving to FL before September 1. I found this out yesterday.

We moved into a house in a different part of town this month. The kids start at a new school on Monday. We have a new puppy.

Hardly anything feels familiar. I feel a bit lonely and disoriented.

Change is part of life. I take a step back and observe the events of this summer and say to myself, "Wow! It's no wonder you feel sadness and grief, Autumn. Your feelings are appropriate." I welcome these feelings and allow them to be. I cry. And I am living in the moment.

There is something healing about embracing what is.

our new addition (other than the house)

2011-08-03T16:45:00.002-05:00

Introducing: SAMSON!

Born May 5, 2011

Joined our family July 30, 2011

Breed: Labrador Retriever, Chocolate

Current weight: 24 pounds

changes

2011-07-17T22:44:00.001-05:00

We're Moving!!! (this week.)

...and I delivered a baby today for a momma who couldn't wait for the doctor!

a.w.e.s.o.m.e.n.e.s.s.

Has it really been 11 years?

2011-05-24T07:55:00.002-05:00

Happy Anniversary to me & my husband. So much has changed in 11 years, truly!

Then I was 19 and he was 20. Now I am 30 and he is 31.

Then I was interviewing for a job as a Bank One teller, and he was painting home exteriors. Now I am a L&D RN and doula apprentice, and he owns a surface design company and a furniture company.

Then we had no children. Now we have Erik (9), Hailey (8), and Noah (6).

.... to be continued. (Now he has made me coffee and invited me out onto the patio!)

::sigh::

2011-05-16T16:59:00.002-05:00

my nose is itchy and stuffy. my eyes sting and feel swollen. i feel like my thinking is foggy. maybe it's time to start taking allergy medicine again, ugh.

life is so busy right now. i was walking through the store today with Noah when he said "everyone is staring at you, and all the people are frozen." in that moment it did feel like time was moving very slowly. for a second i imagined what it would feel like if the world and time stood still and i could just BE... without my actions and attitudes affecting other people. and vice versa. but i really don't want to be so isolated. i'm lonely enough as it is. my husband is busy. my kids are busy. i am exhausted just trying to keep up.

between Hailey's seizure and the ensuing doctor visits and diagnostic testing... the annual ballet recital plus a production of Alice in Wonderland including 7 performances this coming Thursday-Sunday (and all the rehearsals for that)... my mother-in-law in the hospital again with her health struggles... and the inside of our house looks like it was hit by a tornado... there is plenty of stress on our family right now.

it really would benefit me to focus on the positive. and get back into my gratitude journal. i am overwhelmed. ::sigh::

work weekend

2011-05-01T20:32:00.004-05:00

(This post is not so much to toot my own horn as it is to document my internal reactions to my weekend of work.)

I worked my hiney off at work yesterday and today. I took care of a very, very sick pregnant patient, learning new things by the hour. The critical nature of the situation was stressful, but I really gave it my best. The slogan at the hospital where I'm employed is "All Our Best" and (though it sounds cheesy) I feel I represented my hospital, my profession, and myself well. My patient and I developed a wonderful relationship, and I think I made a positive impact on her experience in L&D.

It was the smallest baby any of my assigned patients has delivered so far. It was the first time one of my babies required chest compressions, intubation, and epinephrine. The feeling I got in the pit of my stomach while all that was occurring... it's a similar feeling I get when I see footage of the recent tornadoes that ripped through this part of the country.

I take so much for granted. I lose sight of what the important things are. Tonight I am grateful for my family, my home, my job. Those are all imperfect things, but it's the stuff of life.

And I'm grateful for myself. I have discovered this week that I can be a very good friend. I've been practicing on me. ;)

ahhh, yes!

2011-04-28T09:32:00.002-05:00

I am looking forward to getting a 1-hour massage today! I've been hearing myself say for months now, "I really need a massage." It seems I've neglected to take care of myself adequately over the last several weeks. It's a vicious cycle of not feeding/sleeping/grooming myself well and then not having the energy to do anything worthwhile, including feeding/sleeping/grooming myself well... and on and on it goes as the house turns into a disaster zone and the kids sometimes fend for themselves at mealtime. But this week I'm picking myself up by the bootstraps (what does that mean anyway???) and taking baby steps to strengthen my body, clear the fuzz out of my brain, organize my closet, reconnect with my soul, and yes! get that much-needed massage.

Big Changes Ahead

2010-12-14T11:31:00.002-05:00

This is my last week to work night shift!

This is my last month to work full time!

This is Noah's last week in public school!

After much pondering, reading, and discussing, Andy & I have concluded that it would be in Noah's best interest to pull him out of the public school system and give him our focused attention for at least one school semester. He has been struggling in school. Both his kindergarten teacher and his 1st grade teacher have expressed their concerns, but no one has come up with any real solutions to help Noah get the leg-up that he needs. Noah seems to be growing very aware that his classmates are "more advanced" than he is. It breaks my heart to see him make an effort to do his take-home worksheets, get frustrated, and drop his head in his hands saying, "I'm dumb!" I don't think he is getting enough caring attention or praise at school. I think he will benefit from one-on-one instruction that meets him at his current academic level, is paced as quickly or slowly as he needs, and comes from a person who makes him feel safe and cared for.

Home schooling is something we have done in the past. It served Erik well for pre-K and kindergarten, and he and I both enjoyed the experience. Hopefully it will be just what Noah needs at this formative stage of his life. I ordered our curriculum today. And so this new journey begins...

Don't you worry...

2010-12-07T10:48:00.002-05:00

... 'bout a thing,

'cause every little thing

is gonna be alright. (Bob Marley)

It is my hope that life will improve drastically when I return to day shift in two weeks.

Then, in January, things could get even better when I drop one shift every other week. (work three days one week, two days the next week, etc...)

revisiting 101:1001

2010-12-07T09:51:00.004-05:00

Well, it has been forever since I've visited blogland. I was reading through old posts and ran across this one that I (barely) remember creating. I'm going to comment on some of the list:

Open an IRA in my name. (not yet.. paying off debt first!)
Bake a baguette from scratch. (DONE! and they were delicious.)
Grow my own basil and use it in a meal. (DONE!)
Take my children to Disney World. (Looking toward a 2012 trip?)
Become Autumn Bruckman, RN. (DONE!)
Travel to San Antonio with my husband. (not yet.)
Spend one month caffeine- and alcohol-free. (nope.)
Back up digital photos and music on external hard drive. (laptop crashed. files recovered on cd.)
Experiment with false eyelashes. (bought them for Halloween 2010 but haven't applied them yet.)
Put a piano in my home, space permitting. (no space at this time.)
Save at least $20 from every paycheck. (ongoing, yes.)
Go to Fayetteville for a Razorbacks football game. (not yet.)
Complete Rosetta Stone French lessons, Volume 1. (not yet.)
Donate blood 3 times. (DONE!)
Run three miles in 30 minutes or less. (DONE! completed a 5K in May 2010.)
Sing karaoke in public. (nope.)
Go to a bed & breakfast with girlfriends. (not yet. stayed at a condo in Branson with coworkers last weekend though.)
File taxes before April 1. (not yet.)
Make homemade marshmallows. (not yet.)
Read the complete Harry Potter series. (not yet. and my 9 year old is definitely going to finish before me.)
Take a self-defense class. (not yet.)
Ride in a train. (not yet.)
Go bowling and score higher than 120. (not yet.)
Purchase a digital camera for myself. (not yet.)
Take dance lessons with my husband. (DONE!)
Give Hailey her own bedroom (DONE!)
Change wedding band setting or get current bands sautered. (not yet.)
Undergo electrolysis under arms. (not yet.)
Use my neti pot every day for one week. (nope.)
Have a 10 year wedding anniversary photo shoot at the Olmsted Falls covered bridge. (we were in Colorado.)
Sign Noah up for gymnastics or baseball. (nope.)
Learn to play bass guitar. (nope.)

I think my list would be different if I created it today. Some of the things that seemed important to me then are no longer meaningful or desirable. I'm going to start thinking about the new year and what it might hold...

Beach Week

2010-08-13T08:00:00.002-05:00

Myrtle Beach, SC. This week has been full of memory-making, mostly good. I've been at the beach with my husband, children, grandparents, aunt & uncle, and cousins. We did quite a bit of shopping. I'm glad I left empty space in the suitcases on our way here because we are going home with quite a bit more stuff than we brought. I've got school uniforms for the kids and a new laptop for me (yay!!!) among other things.

Yesterday I was rockin' the boogie board. We had some rough waters. The current was so strong I could hardly lift my legs to walk. But I caught some awesome waves; what a rush! :) My legs are sore today, but it was totally worth it.

I really am sad to be leaving tomorrow. I have never enjoyed the beach so much as I did this week. I regret we didn't spend more time on the sand and less time shopping. An annual beach trip may be a necessity from now on. Next year we will probably go to Gulf Shores or Orange Beach, AL. We had originally planned to go there this year but changed our destination when the oil spill happened.

We have some big changes happening next week. We arrive home from vacation, Andy leaves for an out-of-state work trip for a few weeks, I start a brand new job in a totally different department working full-time, the kids go back to school, and I go back to school. I'm not looking forward to weathering those changes by myself. ::sigh::

I wish I could stay at the beach forever.

Goodbye, 20's. Hello, 30's!!!

2010-07-01T19:40:00.002-05:00

On the eve of my 30th birthday, I served my children pasta shells & cheese, turkey hot dogs, and bananas for dinner. This makes me laugh. It's not typical of me to serve such a meal, but I am tired of setting mile high standards for myself. So I poured myself a glass of Chardonnay to go along with my hot dogs (ha!) and marveled at my children's enjoyment of their dinner. They were begging for seconds. And I gave it to them.

So I'm entering this new decade of life. I'm feeling an internal shift already. You know how some birthdays you immediately feel different and others feel like just another ordinary day? Well, tomorrow is no ordinary day. It kind of feels like a big deal. A milestone. I wish I had lots of friends to celebrate with. I thought about having a party. But it would have to be a small party because I don't have many close friends. I think I am okay with having just a few close friends. I've always been a "quality over quantity" kind of girl.

So back to this internal shift... I feel as though I'm going to be able to successfully lower my standards a bit! I'm starting to care less what other people think, enjoy my life for what it is - my own experience, and not have to prove anything to society. I'm pretty darn proud of myself for what I've accomplished over the past 10 years! I've gotten married (technically that was before my 20's but close enough...), bought a house, birthed and nursed three babies, grieved 3 miscarriages, homeschooled 2 children, taught myself to knit, sold a house, moved my family 1,000 miles across the country, endured the hardships that self-employment can bring, fought to hold on when marriage felt unbearable (and thank God we are still together!), battled depression and panic attacks and horrendous migraines, not only survived it but graduated nursing school with honors, passed NCLEX with flying colors to achieve my goal of becoming a RN before my 30th birthday, paid off lots of debt with my hard-earned income, landed the job interview I've dreamed of for years... and these are just the high points that come to mind. My 20's have had plenty of ups and downs. So much life experience!

Despite all the happy milestones, the last 10 years have been laced with feelings of isolation. Even now I am feeling loneliness. But I am also feeling hope. Hope that as my children grow older and more independent and as I grow more comfortable in my career and new routines develop, RELATIONSHIPS will blossom and new friendships will form. I'm working to get a good grip on our household finances, our home organization, and my relationship with my self. Though perfection is what I have striven for the last 10 years, I am now happy to say I can be content simply with PROGRESS. Things are improving a little each day. If this keeps up, 40 will be phenomenal!

change is going to come.

2010-05-07T01:31:00.002-05:00

On the job front, I'm going to switch to working part-time in a couple weeks. This means I will only work two 12-hour shifts per week. I shed a lot of tears before coming to this decision. My current job has created more stress than I am willing to endure. My husband deserves a loving wife, and my children need a healthy mom. And I need to feel sane and not be in 'survival mode' all the time.

Another decision that I need to make (soon!) is whether to continue working night shift. Our floor has had several nurses move on in their careers. This means there will be a day shift position available to me in the very near future. I have gotten somewhat comfortable with my job as a night nurse, meaning the tasks that I perform and the routine and pace of hospital nightlife (the pace of day nursing on my floor is sheer insanity.) I love my nighttime coworkers and really don't want to leave them. However, my quality of life outside of work is less than ideal. I don't get regular sleep, and this makes me feel super emotional and even psychotic. Just plain miserable. I would venture to say that I felt better when I was in nursing school than I do now... and that's saying something!

Speaking of school, I have applied for admission to the University of Arkansas at Little Rock! I'm going to continue my education and work toward a Bachelor of Science in Nursing (BSN) degree. This will be part-time and all online so it will fit nicely into our family life. Plus, it seems with a scholarship, a grant, and a small amount of employee tuition assistance, I won't have to pay much (if any!) for further schooling. Score!

I have applied for two positions in Labor & Delivery in the past month. Apparently the hospital requires 12 months of experience as an RN before they will hire me into L&D. But I will keep applying as positions come available. I am also looking into getting involved with a local group of doulas and midwives. I don't want to get involved in too many things all at once because my soul craves simplicity.

I have no idea what my career is going to look like in 5 or 10 years. But I am okay with that. The mystery of it is enjoyable for me. One of my favorite quotes (by Martin Luther King, Jr.) is this:

"You don't have to see the top of the staircase in order to take the first step."
Or, in my case, the next step...

What I am certain of at this very moment is that I treasure my husband and adore my three children more than words can convey. My profession as a Registered Nurse is important to me, but it pales in comparison to the value I place on the life of my family. The kids are growing up too quickly, and our years of marriage are adding up (10 years this month!) I want to maximize every single day we have together.

So...Happy Mother's Day! Happy Nurse's Day!
...and hopefully a happier Everyday!

these days...

2010-04-11T14:03:00.002-05:00

first of all...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAILEY JOY!!! (I can't believe you're seven years old today.)

in other news:

1. I am not enjoying my job. Night shift does not suit me. I want a day job in labor and delivery or the O.R. I applied for a part-time day position in L&D but it was filled before my application was received.. those positions are hard to come by, but I believe there will be one for me at just the right time. (or at least I keep telling myself...)

2. Hailey was up puking all night, bless her heart! She's been in bed and on the couch all day, drifting in and out of sleep. NOT a fun way to spend your birthday. I love my precious daughter more than words can tell. My heart is so full it feels like it could burst..

3. Andy has finally returned home after almost a month out of town. I am still recovering from the weariness of single parenting. It has been a rough several weeks. But it is SOOOOO GOOOOOOOD to have my man back home!

4. We are excited about our upcoming trip to Colorado. Our 10th wedding anniversary is May 24th. We'll be staying at a beautiful lodge in Breckenridge for a few days before heading to Colorado Springs for my brother-in-law Ben's graduation from the U.S. Air Force Academy. The kids will not be going with us to Colorado. It will be good to get away by ourselves for a few days, but I will miss the darlings like crazy. And now I have the task of figuring out who will take care of them while we are away.

5. A couple weeks after our Colorado trip we will head (all five of us) to Wisconsin for Ben & Charissa's wedding! I've never been to that part of the country before. I'm sure we'll have lots of fun. Ben & Charissa have waited so long for this...we are thrilled for them!

6. We are planning to book a condo today for our August trip to Orange Beach, AL! We've never taken a beach vacation as a family. I've been looking at photos for hours and dreaming of the fun & relaxation we will have together!

7. Hopefully there will be no issues at work with the time I've asked off for these travels.

8. France may have to wait a little while longer. I would rather have a family beach vacation this year and go to France at a later date.

9. I need to get back into my workout routine... with Andy being gone and my switch to night shift I've neglected to eat well and exercise regularly. And I feel like poo.

10. Last night we went out for dinner... Andy, me, the kids. We ordered a good bottle of wine, delicious food, 2 desserts. Andy & I both noticed a man who was watching us from a nearby table...not in a weird way. He was dining by himself, wearing a suit. As we were finishing our meal the restaurant manager and our server approached us and explained that the man in the suit had commented on what a beautiful family we are and that he had generously paid our tab. Wow! I was so touched by that act of kindness I had to hold back a few tears. It felt like (and still feels like) God was smiling on us.

ho hum the randomness, brainspiel

2010-03-17T19:06:00.004-05:00

1. bought a ca-yute! new dress today on my lunch break
2. feeling more confident about my cardiac rhythm stip interpretation skills after this week's coronary care class at work...though my eyes do not like counting the itty bitty baby boxes for hours at a time
3. husband leaves town tomorrow...didn't he just get back?
4. noticing that the glutes aren't as flat and/or saggy as they were a couple months ago, yay.
5. lovin' the iPhone as much today as the day she became mine
6. spring is a-comin' ... yay for sunshine & angela & colorado & wisconsin & less debt & healthier body & time in the garden!
7. don't know how i'd respond if i got pregnant this year. we aren't trying. just for the record.
8. i could really use a bigger kitchen. really.
9. thinking that a gulf shores trip with the fam sounds more fun than forcing france to happen this year...
10. trying to enjoy the stepping stone that is my current job while wondering what lies just beyond it... trusting that on the checkerboard of life all the pieces are shifting in my favor...

2010

2010-01-02T22:05:00.001-05:00

Hello, 2010, I am so happy to meet you!!!

(This year holds so much potential.)

special purchase

2009-12-30T19:14:00.000-05:00

Today I bought my ballet slippers.

Looking forward (and a little bit backward)...

2009-12-29T12:34:00.002-05:00

Cliche, I know, but I am thinking about health and fitness in light of the coming new year.

I don't keep close ties with the bathroom scale, but I decided to pay her a visit this morning. I needed a concrete starting point. Taking measurements is on my to do list as well.

Nursing school is finished now. (Yay!!!) It was super stressful and super hard, and I often ate whatever was convenient and quick. I sometimes ate to stay awake during late night study sessions. I sat on my duff for long hours during lecture, and didn't move around much during my studies at home. So not only do I have a diploma of registered nursing... I also have exactly thirty extra pounds that I gained since day one of nursing school. Thirty pounds is quite a lot. I've lost 25 pounds before... about a year after I had Noah. So I know I can do it.

Some support would help me along greatly. I looked into Weight Watchers for the support aspect of the program, but the meeting fees are just silly. And I'm not sure I want to count points. ::sigh::

So today I'm setting some goals. Once I decide what kind of food choices I want to make, I'll clean out the fridge and pantry and make a trip to the store. Andy gave me a cool heart rate monitor for Christmas (I wanted one!) which will aid me in exercising at an effective level of intensity without overdoing it. This is going to be fun. and hard. but I'm determined to keep it fun! I'll post photos from time to time. My face shows weight gain/loss quite a bit.

Thanks for listening.

P.s. I'm thinking about signing up for ballet classes. And I'm excited to restart the French lessons I put on hold for nursing school.

grovel

2009-02-23T12:26:00.003-05:00

forgive me, dear blog, for i have been having a wild affair with my iphone. particularly a facebook application and a game called word warp. i had forgotten you for awhile. but today i remembered you. i still like you. can we be friends?

I know it's been forever...

2009-01-30T16:13:00.002-05:00

...but that's just how it goes for a woman who has
a husband, three children, a home, and a full-time career
as an RN student.

Every now & then I learn something new about myself
Or about humanity
Or about God.

I've been mulling over the complicatedness of life
Or maybe it's just complex.
Or maybe both.

Life is no cakewalk.
But it's beautiful
And multi-faceted.

Have you ever reached the point
Where you feel pain
And the pain feels oddly good
Simply because you're FEELING?

I don't like to be numb.

101:1001

2009-01-03T22:44:00.003-05:00

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days. My 1001 days began on January 1, 2009, and will end on September 29, 2011.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.
2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

I'll share with you a sampling of my 101 things...
Open an IRA in my name.
Bake a baguette from scratch.
Grow my own basil and use it in a meal.
Take my children to Disney World.
Become Autumn Bruckman, RN.
Travel to San Antonio with my husband.
Spend one month caffeine- and alcohol-free.
Back up digital photos and music on external hard drive.
Experiment with false eyelashes.
Put a piano in my home, space permitting.
Save at least $20 from every paycheck.
Go to Fayetteville for a Razorbacks football game.
Complete Rosetta Stone French lessons, Volume 1.
Donate blood 3 times.
Run three miles in 30 minutes or less.
Sing karaoke in public.
Go to a bed & breakfast with girlfriends.
File taxes before April 1.
Make homemade marshmallows.
Read the complete Harry Potter series.
Take a self-defense class.
Ride in a train.
Go bowling and score higher than 120.
Purchase a digital camera for myself.
Take dance lessons with my husband.
Give Hailey her own bedroom...DONE ALREADY!!!
Change wedding band setting or get current bands sautered.
Undergo electrolysis under arms.
Use my neti pot every day for one week.
Have a 10 year wedding anniversary photo shoot at the Olmsted Falls covered bridge.
Sign Noah up for gymnastics or baseball.
Learn to play bass guitar.

withdrawals

2008-12-18T10:40:00.002-05:00

I'm going to into Facebook withdrawals. I didn't bring my laptop to Cleveland, and we don't have internet in our hotel room. The computer here in the business center blocks Facebook.com

Will someone please comment here or e-mail me to say hi?

This is my third day with NO VOICE...how am I supposed to catch up with dear old friends? I feel like a prisoner in my own body, unable to express myself or be heard. It's scary being in public at museums or in the icy downtown streets with my children...they can't hear me call their names...and the louder I try to yell, the less sound comes out of my squeaky voice box. ::sigh::

I take my voice for granted. I think Andy is enjoying the sort-of silence when he's driving the car. Less back-seat driving going on. Don't worry, I found a way to squeeze his arm when it's time to hit the brakes, and pointing the fingers comes in handy when it's time to turn. (I know, I'm terrible.)

So not having a voice OR Facebook (which I really do use to communicate with people...a lot!) is making me very very lonely. I could call up a Cleveland friend, but then what? squeak squeak.

Semester is officially OVER.

2008-12-11T17:46:00.003-05:00

I just opened a letter from school.... got a nice scholarship for spring semester! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Tonight I'm going out with some classmates...Mexican food then a comedy club. We're celebrating our success, wahoo!

a few changes

2008-12-11T13:21:00.002-05:00

1. bangs!
2. a room that's all mine...for study or whatever i fancy!
3. i'm an upperclassman now!

p.s. hello, Clevelanders.. i shall see you soon!

riddled road to who-knows-where

2008-12-08T00:50:00.004-05:00

down in the dumps, it's okay.
tides will change, here comes May.
tears do flow, sweep away
all the yuck of the days
when i don't get my way.

tomorrow is nigh...
what joy will be mine
when sun meets the sky,
that sky where i fly
in my dreams every night.

today is done.
princess and sons
do slumber,
but not i.

heavy heart, fragile me
sitting by my christmas tree,
wondering what road this be...
life seems such a mystery
without my churchianity.
i've lost my false security
and found i don't know who is me.

but there she goes -
despite her woes,
she grows.
oh, the wind - it blows,
and my soul, it knows
the end of the road is somewhere.

she is me.
and she grows.
and she just doesn't know
what it's for.

finish the sentence...

2008-12-06T19:41:00.004-05:00

•I'm happiest when... my family adheres to routines.
•Someday I'm going to... travel to Europe!
•When I'm really down, what I want to do is... find a way to get back up.
•I feel anxious when... I don't know my bank balance.
•I'm afraid that... I will lose the people I love most.
•I like people who... are classy AND down-to-earth.
•All it takes to make me happy is... some yarn.
•What I really want to do is... love people more.
•I wish that... my house would clean itself.
•I don't like people who... throw cigarettes out car windows.
•A person really should... find one hobby that makes them come alive.
•I just hate it that... people are imperfect.
•I have everything I need, however... some motivation would be nice.
•If I could do whatever I wanted, I would... wait a minute! who says I can't do whatever I want?! (I think I would like to have the ability to fly....I dream about it often.)

YOUR TURN.

Today...

2008-11-24T13:13:00.003-05:00

This morning I...
1. studied for tomorrow's exam
2. brewed coffee
3. cooked breakfast for myself
4. took photos of breakfast & recent knitting
5. uploaded photos to Facebook & Flickr
6. ate breakfast
7. took cookies to Hailey and hugged Noah at school
8. stopped by the bank
9. talked with my sister-in-law for awhile

This afternoon I shall:
10. study for tomorrow's exam
11. take a walk with the kids
12. post A.M. and P.M. Routines somewhere in the house
13. cook a chicken dish of some sort...probably chicken salad
14. clean my bedroom
15. knit more on my fingerless mitts
16. help kids make paper chain to count down days to Cleveland

me in a (rather large) nutshell?

2008-11-12T21:20:00.002-05:00

I took this TEST after reading Jen's and Leanne's results...rather interesting and freakishly accurate. Here's my summary...what do you think?

Your Brain Usage Profile:
Auditory : 35%
Visual : 64%
Left : 50%
Right : 50%

Autumn, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.

You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.

You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.

With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.
Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional.

If you were tempted to NOT vote...

2008-11-03T19:38:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow...

means

and

(FOR FREE!!!)

flickr fotos

2008-10-31T03:16:00.007-05:00

If you are a privileged Flickr friend, I've uploaded lots of pictures from September and October stuff. Still have camping photos to upload, but seriously it's 3:18 AM and I am going back to bed. Here's a teaser...

current stuff, mostly GREEN

2008-10-29T18:23:00.004-05:00

This is the book I'm currently devouring (haha, that pun was really unintentional! Why do I always do that?!) Anyway...oh my gosh, I was about to say "It'll really give you a lot to chew on." HAHA. How does that happen? Jen, I hope you find the inspiration you're looking for.

I have an organic spaghetti squash roasting in the oven. A little good quality olive oil, some salt and freshly cracked pepper...mmmmm.

Fall weather has finally arrived here. And fall colors are popping up along the landscape,too! The kids (and their mommy and daddy, too!) are excited to go trick-or-treating on Friday. I'm dressing up as a nurse. How original! Erik is going to be Mr. Incredible. Hailey is a snow queen. Noah is Scooby Doo. And I'm sure Andy will come up with something, hopefully not a zombie farmer like last year. It kinda freaked me out.

I have an announcement I'm proud to make: the Bruckman family now RECYCLES!!! It's only been 2 days, and I am shocked at how much is in the recycle bin and how little is in the trash can (at least compared to what it used to be!) Fortunately we live in a city that takes just about anything that can be recycled. It feels good deep down in the core of my being to know I am making a difference and taking care of my planet.

I have also been switching over to cleaning products and personal care/cosmetic products that are eco-friendly and good for my body. I've gotten some great tips from reading:

Sophie is practical and just precious! I love the videos on her website. While I'm on the topic of going GREEN (or practicing good stewardship of my home and body) I'd like to point you to Simple Shoes from whom I'm expecting a package tomorrow, yippeeee!!! My tootsies can't wait.

Well, I think that's enough for now. The spaghetti squash is about done.

Ack!!!!!!!

2008-10-26T05:53:00.002-05:00

I've got clinicals at the hospital this weekend. One of the patients has to be weighed every morning. A classmate and I were learning how to use the big scale, and I don't know what we were thinking but we decided to weigh ourselves! (I hadn't stepped on a scale in months.)

I have gained 23 pounds since my first day of nursing school.

I can be thankful, at least, for the abundance in my life. And the opportunity to receive a good education. And dreams coming true.

"Burned" Out!

2008-10-17T17:23:00.002-05:00

For lecture yesterday we had a guest speaker. He's an RN at the only burn center in the state of Arkansas. I had been looking forward to hearing all of the information because my husband was badly burned and spent a month in a burn unit when he was a child. The pictures we saw yesterday were gruesome and horrifying. It was good to learn about the common causes of burns and ways to prevent them. It was great to learn a little bit of first aid regarding burns. It was heartwarming to hear successful recovery stories and see photos of a burn patient after months and years of healing. It really amazes me what those health care professionals are able to do to save lives, improve appearance, and restore function to those burn patients.

My friends know I'm really interested in both critical care and surgery. Well, I learned yesterday that the burn center would give me plenty of experience in both of those areas! Plus, I'm all about safety and a small nurse-patient ratio... at the burn center there is often one (or even two!) nurse for each critical patient. It's no cakewalk... there was a photo of a patient with so many machines, bags of fluid, dialysis, ventilator, etc., that you couldn't even see the patient in the bed. I'm very curious about this area of nursing. So I'm going to shadow a burn center nurse for a couple hours and see first hand just what they do.

I'm not sure I could handle working with burn victims except that someone took good care of my husband when he was a 2 year old burn patient. I am grateful to those individuals, and it would be an honor for me to do the same for someone else.

cry for help

2008-10-14T12:43:00.003-05:00

tell me i'm not a horrible person for skipping class today. it's just that my life has been so out of order for quite some time now. it's a weird and vicious cycle that tangles up my mental capacity, physical health, family's schedule, spiritual well-being and ability to nurture important relationships. i'm talking about a messy, dirty house. overdue bills. overlooked appointments. desperate trips to fast food establishments. library fines. inefficient and ineffective study sessions, if any at all. feeling down in the dumps. a lowsy example for my kids to follow (dear God, help them!) many things feels out of place, out of order, complicated, or downright funky right now.

so i took my exam at school this morning. then i returned an overdue library item, purchased some bread and bananas, and drove home. i've run a very full load through the dishwasher and paid two bills. i filled a plastic grocery bag with trash from the living room (kids' school papers seem to replicate at lightning speed!) now i am sitting by the window ready to read some chapters on the human eye and ear. i figure i should do that before the kids come home from school. i'd rather be cleaning right now, but cleaning is easier than trying to study with kids all around.

any tips on getting life in order? i feel like i don't have the time and energy needed to get ahead.

shortbits

2008-10-11T07:53:00.002-05:00

Erik is going to compete in the school spelling bee on December 5.

My semester is more than halfway over!

Gas is only $2.97 per gallon!!!

Today is my 10 year high school reunion.

Noah says he wants to be a chef when he grows up.

Andy's business is very, very busy.

Hailey's favorite color is... you guessed it, PINK.

I love throwing a football around with Erik.

Andy & I are going with friends to see Les Miserables at the theatre this weekend.

I'm going to feed the kids breakfast and get ready for our picnic...

...after another cup of pumpkin spice coffee!

I'm thinking...

2008-10-10T20:28:00.002-05:00

probably nobody checks my blog anymore.

sorry for the neglect. i'll try to check in more often if anybody's here...

(echo, echo)

Romantic Weekend Getaway

2008-09-23T12:20:00.004-05:00

I planned a little getaway for my husband and me. He had no idea where we were going or what activities were planned. All he knew was that we were not flying on an airplane. Well, I'm so pleased at how the weekend turned out. The place we stayed was lovely and really served our purposes well. Andy & I made a lot of special memories and had many cherishable moments together. Thank you to our family who took care of our children so we could reconnect with each other. Some of our favorite parts of the weekend: early morning coffee and canoeing, opening a delicious bottle of Dom Perignon we had been saving, the most exhilarating Swedish massages imagineable, tantalize-the-taste-buds caramel pecan french toast (we asked for seconds!), luxurious bed and linens, the breathtaking view from our room, one of our most memorable dining experiences yet, adequate sleep and the freedom to come and go as we please without having to consider kiddos, clean and well-appointed surroundings, eating yummy ice cream while lounging in the lakeside hammock, turning our cell phones off... and more.

As usual, I don't have cropping tools on my laptop. But you can see more photos here if you'd like!

yUmMY daYs aRE aLL ArOUnD

2008-09-15T20:52:00.003-05:00

mmm. had the windows open all day today! it was the first time this season. the cooler air inspired me to dust, take the garbage out, shop, cook and bake. whoa nelly.

a couple hours in the kitchen tonight resulted in a double batch of Autumn Soup, double batch of homemade cornbread, double batch of brownies from scratch (complete with 4 ounces of Ghirardelli unsweetened chocolate)

needless to say, it smells divine within a 100 foot radius of my home, and my nursing school girlies are going to kiss me tomorrow at lunch time. :)

it was such a good week having my sister-in-law in town. we heavily "supported" some local restaurants and coffee houses. ;) the week also included scouring huge stacks of books we assembled on tables in a bookstore, cuddling some adorable puppies that we wanted to adopt but didn't, dinner & dancing downtown, walking the Big Dam Bridge during a gorgeous sunset in the wake of Hurricane Ike, perusing high-end clothing boutiques and getting pedicures at a spa... the list goes on but i'll leave it at that. it was fun. 'nuff said.

on saturday i am planning to kidnap my husband and surprise him with a 3 day/2 night romantic getaway. he has the time blocked off in his schedule but doesn't know where i'm taking us or what we'll be doing. i hope it turns out to be a wonderfully relaxing time for us to heal from the stress of life and rekindle our love & devotion toward one another. i love my husband.

pieces of today's me

2008-09-03T12:39:00.002-05:00

It has been raining cats & dogs here (and trees, according to Erik) thanks to Gustav.
Still waiting for the posting of yesterday's exam grades, eek.
Thinking of including my Arkansas pals in my annual Autumn Celebration.
Sure miss my Cleveland buddies though.
Clinicals this weekend.
Knitting is stalled.
Got a new Jason Mraz album and luv it.
Em, hurry up and get here.
Now drinking more tea than coffee.
Kids are delightful, and if it weren't for school I'd probably have another.
Can't wait to have my room upstairs this fall...dreams are flowing.
Realizing there's quite a bit of creativity within me.
Planning to take action toward simplifying life. (more on that later!)
Love my new purple nail polish.
Why do I spend so much money when the seasons change?
Got some exercise today - go me!
So glad to be home on this rainy day...

Breaking News

2008-08-29T10:49:00.002-05:00

Interesting that McCain chose a woman as his VP candidate! I've been trying to educate myself on the candidates lately. I can't remember ever being this interested in politics before. I have to say, there are a lot of things I like about Obama so far.

food hippie

2008-08-27T21:01:00.002-05:00

Five days without meat. This evening I was making chicken sandwiches for my family, and I thought about eating one. But I didn't. The desire was a bit overwhelming but passed very quickly, even before I was finished assembling the sandwiches. Looking back, I am so glad I decided not to eat one. I knew I wouldn't feel good afterward. And, truly, I wasn't hungry yet anyway.

I am undecided on the dairy front, which I suppose is a decision to continue consuming dairy for now...at least in limited amounts. Like today, I know there was dairy in Kaiser's potato soup she shared for lunch. Yummy! I have been eating yogurt (Fage!) daily because I'm on antibiotics and you can't be too careful with that. But I'm using soy milk and rice milk for things that require "liquid milk."

For supper last night I fed the kids vegan whole wheat pancakes with real maple syrup, blueberries and bananas. And they each had a glass of milk...one child chose soy; the other two chose "cow."

Erik is signed up on a soccer team. How cute is that! I'm glad for him. It'll help balance out all the hours spent sitting in front of the Xbox.

Okay, back to food (because that is obviously what is on the brain right now)...
I've drastically cut back on sugar.
I've drastically cut back on coffee.
I drastically had a headeache for two days, and nothing would make it stop. So the next morning I drank a small cup of coffee. And this morning I drank two small cups of coffee (before my exam) but then I opted for green tea when my friend and I made a coffeehouse run . Go me! I've been brewing 1 or 2 cups of green tea each day. It's low in caffeine and full of beneficial antioxidants, and semi-meets my need to have a comforting hot drink in hand throughout the day. Needless to say, I miss my coffee wayyyyy more than I miss meat (if I miss meat at all.)

This afternoon all I could think about was a Reese's Sonic Blast (with extra Reese's, of course!) Unlike the chicken sandwich temptation, this one lasted a good 45 minutes. I don't really know what made the craving pass. I was so close to asking Andy to make a Sonic stop on his way home. But then all I could think about was how I would feel after eating the ice cream...and I would eat the whole thing.

I'm trying to respect my body. If you pay attention, you'll find that your body tells you what it likes and doesn't like. You might pay attention to your body and think "Yum! My body loves this pizza, Coke, burger and cheesecake!" But I encourage you to tune in after consumption takes place. You might feel icky, bloated, heavy, stuffed, uncomfortable, tired or unfulfilled. I have had the privilege of eating several meals that left me feeling energized, light-on-my-feet, satiated, alert, strong, and motivated to tackle the next item on my agenda. Maybe I will share some snack and meal ideas for you to try sometime. FYI: I don't expect any of my family or friends to "convert" to vegetarianism. I don't judge you for eating sugar (heck, I eat my share.) And, of course, I'd love for you to take me out to coffee! ;) Just please don't mind my rambling about food stuff for awhile. It could be a passing fascination, and that would be dandy. Or I could turn into a total food hippie. That would be fine, too.

small news

2008-08-25T11:24:00.002-05:00

Vegetarianism is back in style in this house!
We could be headed toward veganism again, but not just yet.
I'm [literally] sick of eating crap.
And I already am starting to feel better.

My Mosaic...at least for today

2008-08-19T06:45:00.003-05:00

I saw this on Angela's blog and decided to do one for myself! Here is what you do--
1.) Type your answers to each of the questions below into the Flickr search engine.
2.) Pick an image from the first page only.
3.) Copy and Paste the URLs for each image into Mosaic Maker.
4.) Save your mosaic to your computer and upload it into your own post.

1.) What is your first name?
2.) What is your favorite food?
3.) What high school did you go to?
4.) What is your favorite color?
5.) Who is your celebrity crush?
6.) What is your favorite drink?
7.) What is your dream vacation?
8.) What is your favorite dessert?
9.) What do you want to be when you grow up?
10.) What do you love most in life?
11.) What is one word to describe you?
12.) What is your flickr name?

It's QUIET around here today!!!

2008-08-18T08:46:00.002-05:00

You wanna know why?!?!

no, really?!

2008-08-17T06:59:00.002-05:00

quoted from one of my online tutorials for school:

"Antiviral drugs are drugs that kill viruses."

wow. enlightening.

seriously, i'm getting annoyed with the "teach to the lower intelligence levels" method. not saying i'm better than anyone else. i'm just bored at school. don't misunderstand me - the content i'm studying (cardiovascular system/drugs and antimicrobial drugs) is fascinating. i just hope Mrs. H is lecturing again soon. i like her tactful, commanding style. no fluff. please just tell me what i need to know, not what i already know. i'm paying big bucks for you to teach me. and i already aced courses that taught me the heart is a pump.

okay, off my soapbox and back to studying...
thanks for allowing me to vent. i almost feel better.

speak up and a homebody

2008-08-14T16:59:00.002-05:00

i'm very irritated. one of my kids has had some uncomfortable symptoms for many months. i waited quite awhile to see if the symptoms would resolve with some TLC. finally i made an appointment, but we were unable to see our usual pediatrician. instead we saw a partner of hers that i'm not very fond of. he spent less than 4 minutes with us. glanced at the site of the symptoms and wrote a prescription for some cream. no tests, no further questions, nothing. my gut had told me to advocate for my child and demand further investigation of the symptoms. i don't know why i so passively went along with that doctor. it felt all wrong. well, my child has continued having symptoms. after a checkup on tuesday, i got a call today informing me that my child does indeed have an infection and needs to be started on antibiotics. i am angry. angry at the doctor who didn't take time for us. and angry at myself for not insisting on proper treatment for my child. poor kid has been so uncomfortable for so long. next time i will definitely speak up.

onto cuter things... Noah is the sweetest little home-body you could ever meet. wherever we go, he always just wants to go home. at home he likes to play xbox (especially lego star wars) and build forts and jump on the couches and snuggle with mom or dad. seriously, 30 minutes into any shopping trip or 2 seconds after i walk into my mom's house after school, Noah says, "i just wanna go home." last night Andy and i witnessed Noah kissing the dining room wall and saying to himself "i love this house." he didn't know we were watching him. it was hilarious and cute and heartwarming all at the same time. i'm glad he feels comfortable at home. he knows he's loved and cared for. and i hope he will always feel that way.

bits and pieces of life today

2008-08-11T09:36:00.002-05:00

Knitting - I've got a few projects queued for the Ravelympics 2008 (knitting olympics!) I'm participating in a couple events, the Bag-n-Tote-Backstroke and the Mitten Medley. One of the patterns I'm using is Knitty's Summer '08 byob. Can't wait to finish it and go to Fresh Market!

Family - First of all, I want to thank my family (especially Andy, Momma and Nonie!) for their support during this kooky time of life. I could not go to nursing school without their help! THANK YOU. Next news...the kids start school in a week, all of them! Mixed feelings abound. I know it will be good for them to have structure and education and new friends. It will enable me to have some focused study time on my days off. But I sure miss those munchkins! Andy has been teaching them how to rollerblade. They each have their own skates, and they're so precious. Erik adores the sport and the other night he announced his need for a t-shirt that reads "i heart rollerblading" heehee.

Friends - I'm so thankful for my friends, old and new. I have a few classmates who are extra-special to me, and then there are my Chix with Stixxx, ha! I miss my Cleveland girlfriends and am hoping to visit them this fall.

House - It has its messy parts for sure. And that's okay. I'm learning to accept this season of life for what it is.

Health - I really think my age is catching up to my metabolism. Can't get away with eating what I used to. Sitting in class for hours on end surely has something to do with it. I probably don't need as many calories as I used to. But the thought of eating less food makes me sad. Ew, I wish I weren't emotionally attached to food. I think Andy's going to buy me a couple new clothing items. Neither of us mind my current size, but my clothes don't fit and that can surely make a girl feel fat and frumpy even if she's not. Gotta drink more water. I don't think I took a single sip of water while at the hospital this weekend.

School - Saturday was my first ever 12 hour shift at the hospital. It really wasn't as hard as I imagined. Sunday was a little shorter, and today I have mounds of papers to write about my clinical experience. This was my first clinical rotation with my new instructor, Mrs. B. We have a different instructor each semester, and each one of them has something unique to offer. For example, Mrs. B does not split hairs over commas, capitalization and APA format. Instead, she is concerned with patient interaction, basic nursing skills, and experience on the floor. I'm very excited to work with her because I can do the paperwork, no problemo. Interpersonal skills - assertiveness with patients being one - well, I have much to learn from Mrs. B. I'm glad to be part of the weekend clinical group. The hospital is more mellow then. This week of clinicals was sheer success...personal growth, opportunities to perform new skills (like hanging IV solution and changing primary tubing) while getting to know Mrs. B, working alongside a cheerful and informative nurse, resolving a little conflict with an employee. I also overcame a big temptation to take a shortcut with something. Nobody would have known, but I would have known. I don't want to be a nurse who takes shortcuts. So I went (literally) out of my way to do the right thing, and nobody knew...but I marched out of that hospital with my head held high and goose bumps on my forearms, hoping the next time I need nursing care I'll get a nurse like me.

la dee da

2008-08-07T12:59:00.003-05:00

after Noah's birthday on July 25, it was so fun to tell people i am the mother of three children, ages:
4, 5, 6
that's impressive if you ask me. at least with everything else going on in my life. not just the fact that i have three kids but that they are all fed, clothed (at least most of the time!), intelligent, loved, healthy and thriving. thank God for that. and my hard-working husband, too. i really really love my family.

so now that Erik had his birthday last weekend, the kids are ages:
4, 5, 7
i went to the school today to check them ALL in. i canNOT believe they are all three going to school this year! Noah has been 5th on a waiting list all summer, and we just got word this morning that there is finally a seat for him at our 1st choice school. hooray, life just got a little easier.

knit-wise: my booga bag is so fun to tote around. someone asked me this week how much i charge. cool! my most recent FO's are a couple of cute coffee cozies to use on disposable cups from Starbucks. good timing, too, because those brown cardboard cup holders they use don't do the job. i actually burned my thumb through one last week! so now my coffee cups are going to be so cozy and happy and colorful. note to self: take photos. also, i've purchased yarn and selected a pattern for my first lace knitting project. no huge expectations on that, but i'm excited to at least try it. gotta get the pattern from a LYS soon.

okay, back to the books i go.

...but I don't wanna!

2008-08-04T08:42:00.002-05:00

having trouble with motivation. don't feel like studying. don't feel like doing much of anything. wish the anxiety and panic would stop. i have so much to do before tomorrow, and i know i can't get it all done the way i want to. so i sit here and think about how i can't do it all instead of at least doing what i can in the time that remains.

last week's clinical rotation in the O.R. was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
so this week feels kind of blah, especially for a monday. i usually love mondays.

big nursing theory exam tomorrow morning. all about perioperative nursing and respiratory disorders and respiratory drugs. have to turn in lots of clinicals paperwork before the exam starts. and i have to actually finish the paperwork before i can turn it in. i feel very unprepared for the exam, but the paperwork is a non-negotiable priority. ugh.

bought some new running shoes yesterday. my last pair are wearing out. i thought a fun new pair of shoes might motivate me to get back in the gym (there is no sense in trying to exercise outdoors in this HOT weather!)

::sigh::

tonight

2008-07-24T20:51:00.006-05:00

This is me, up past my bedtime, after a long day of nursing theory lectures... Some of you haven't seen my face in awhile, and I miss you terribly so this is me saying "Hi, Friends!!!"

right now i'm filling my washing maching with hot water in preparation for completing my first felted knit project. i'm so excited! wish i didn't have to wait 2 days for the booga bag to dry, but most good things take time, right? this is a photo of my Birthday Booga Bag pre-felting. Happy 28th Birthday to Me!

here are some photos of Erik's (progressively missing!) teeth, my one knit sock, and a few random recent kid photos... i don't have a photo editing program on my laptop so i think cropping and such is not going to happen. not that i have time to play with photos anyway. so you'll just have to be happy with what you get. :)

Today is Noah's last day as a 3 year old! Tomorrow my baby will be FOUR years old!!!

annoyed

2008-07-23T21:24:00.002-05:00

no huge deal. i'm just really annoyed that i've spent the last 90 minutes of my life scouring the world wide web for a new blog template. after i finally found a couple that were love-at-first-sight, I couldn't get them to work, ugh! so now i'm stuck with this bland, boring thing and have no energy left to play with fonts and colors. really truly, i have more important things to do anyway... like study the human respiratory system. don't worry. i only have about six thousand pages to read this week. totally doable.

we were going to go see the new batman movie this evening but the movie theater had lost power. fine with me. i don't even know what the batman story is about. and we saved some $. and i can always study instead.

actually, though, i might just go to bed. two days in a row of nursing theory lecture (9am-5pm) seems to have made me a bit cranky. i cannot understand how sitting on my butt for 8 hours can be so exhausting!!! but i earned a fabulous score on yesterday's theory exam, woo hoo!

oh. and i took the Ravelry plunge. basically it's like myspace for knitters, crocheters, yarn addicts... (oh, i've also started knitting during nursing theory lectures, hee hee! so far i haven't gotten in trouble.) and while we're talking about knitting, i've finished knitting my booga bag and i-cord. now just have to take some 'before' photos and then figure out how to felt it! pretty soon i'll be sporting a new purse, handmade especially for me and by me. how fun is that?!

all i ever wanted to know about the human gastrointestinal system

2008-07-21T19:35:00.002-05:00

I took Noah's stitches out today. His chin is healing up nicely.

And I joined Ravelry. ::dun dun dun::

Now I better get off Ravelry and get to studying for tomorrow morning's nursing exam!

All he wants for Christmas is...

2008-07-20T08:57:00.002-05:00

his two front teeth!!! (and at least one more for the bottom...but probably more!)

I'll post a picture soon.

Erik paid a visit to the dentist a few days ago. At some point in his lifetime - we don't know when - Erik took a hit to the mouth. The dentist said it could have been years ago. One of his front teeth started turning gray about a month ago, and an abscess developed shortly after. After looking at x-rays of Erik's mouth, Dr. Dentist decided it would be best to pull Erik's two front teeth. They would be falling out soon anyway, and this would take care of the infection without requiring antibiotics. It would also ensure the neighbor tooth would not become infected. So...

Erik had his first experience with nitrous oxide a.k.a. laughing gas! Let me tell you it was scary and unnerving to watch my usually macho/mature/cool son transform into a silly and out-of-character boy. I was actually a little bit embarrassed for him, but I know it's completely normal and for his benefit.

You should hear how cute he is when he talks now. He has a lisp...err...lithp. :) And he has trouble with "f" sounds as well.

I had NO trouble watching Noah's chin get stitched, but Erik's teeth pulling made me woozy. And so did the bill.

*unrelated side note: Noah was just talking to me about gum. He is still waking up, and he called it "gumble-bum" heeeeheee

Weekend Wishlist

2008-07-19T16:16:00.002-05:00

This weekend I wish for PEACE.
I find that I begin to fret as the weekend approaches. Most people are enthusiastic over their break from work and obligatory weekday activities. I enjoy the break from attending lectures and driving across town, but there is so very much to be done on Sat/Sun/Mon. And I fret because I can't do it all...fretting so much sometimes that I spend the weekend fretting instead of doing what needs to be done.

So I ask myself, "What must happen in order for me to have a satisfying weekend?"
Tuesday morning when I reflect on this weekend, what will bring PEACE?

1. adequate preparation for big theory exam #1 Tuesday morning!
2. basics needs met: hydration, nutrition, exercise, Sleep.
3. my kids know they are loved
4. my husband & I are on the same page and helping one another
5. a clean, organized bedroom
6. organized school supplies, books, schedule, assignments
7. progress on i-cord for knit Booga Bag
8. a balanced checkbook
9. time for prayer
10. plans (even if tentative) for Noah's and Erik's birthdays

And I wish I had time to go to work for a bit, but that seems nearly impossible. This is a new and different kind of to-do list for me. I'll let you know how it goes!

I foresaw it.

2008-07-16T20:27:00.002-05:00

Taking my children to the swimming pool is not a favorite activity of mine.

Half of my time at the pool is spent with breath held and every muscle tensed as I watch the children take turns doing their 'tricks.' Sometimes they opt out of the turn-taking and jump in on top of one another.

The other half of my pool time is spent doing diversional activites such as knitting or trying to read a book...anything to look away from the anxiety-evoking spectacle before me.

There are a few stunts in particular which cause me to (often literally) jump out of my seat. One such stunt finally proved itself as dangerous as it looks.

I went to the gym last night to multi-task. Textbooks and treadmills work well together. I was having an invigorating workout when I thought I heard my name. I don't know anybody at the gym so I just ignored it. Suddenly, my husband appeared beside me. He was supposed to be at the pool with our children! I was so startled I almost fell off the treadmill. I guess that would have been okay since we were headed to the E.R. anyway. All Andy said was, "Autumn, we have to go get stitches now." I didn't know who was injured or to what extent. My heart was pounding (for reasons other than exercise) but I quickly and [I think] calmly turned the treadmill off and exited the gym. As the kids walked toward me I did a quick visual assessment, reluctantly trying to identify who was hurt.

...to make a long story short, it was Noah. He jumped into the pool, and according to his usual practice he was very close to the pool wall. He had spun around in the air this time (fancy, if I do say so myself!) but unfortunately his chin landed on the cement instead of in the water. His skin was split open and had bled quite a bit. He was such a good sport! On the way to the hospital I had to tell him several times to stop laughing as it made the blood drip off his chin. We had a terrific medical team who were all very impressed by "the best patient they had ever seen." They were going to have several people hold Noah down during the procedure, but I told the doctor that Noah really is a trooper. While we were waiting, Noah and I played many rounds of Thumb War and talked about buying an ice cream truck for our imaginary ice cream world. It really was a special time, and I am thankful for Andy's willingness to let me be the one to stay with Noah. Well, it required six stitches to sew him up. He was so calm during the procedure that the doctor seemed concerned. He was trying to get Noah to talk to him or respond in some way, but Noah just stared at the ceiling. The LPN joked, "Doc, I think Noah's just a little bit mad at you right now," and Noah burst out laughing at that. :) A few minutes later he fell asleep...with two more stitches to go. We finished at the hospital and then went our for ice cream since Noah was such a brave boy!

No swimming for 5-7 days. And that is just fine with me!

mantra

2008-07-10T17:41:00.002-05:00

ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I'm exhausted. I've learned SO much in my first week back to school...and there's yet another day to go. We had lecture from 0900 to 1600 today. Needless to say, it's been a loooong day even without my get-up-at-0530-to-study morning! And trust me, rising time will probably get earlier...I'm easing my way in. Waking up at 0400 would not be rise and SHINE just yet. ;) I've read a bazillion chapters in nursing textbooks this week. It's a teensy bit stressful to have a 650-page reading assignment for one of three lectures tomorrow. (Really, I did not count the pages but I am not exaggerating at the magnitude of some of the reading assignments!) I'm so glad I find the content exciting and interesting. I would never ever expend this much energy/time/money on something unless I found it to be utterly scintillating. I admit to feeling role strain as a wife and mother and student. Guilt tries to creep in at times, and when that happens I think about the future of my family. I am willing to sacrifice a bit of the present - I say 'sacrifice' intentionally because this path is so difficult on many levels - but a couple years of sacrifice now for a future filled with opportunity? It will be worth it. I KNOW IT WILL. Before Arkansas became "The Natural State" it was called "The Land of Opportunity." And that is what it is proving to be for me.

ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I'm trying to pace myself, be consistent, avoid burnout, be the tortoise instead of the hare.
Slow and steady wins the race...but this semester even 'slow and steady' feels fast and furious!
First clinicals are later this month....I'll be in the O.R. scrubbing in on surgeries!!!! woot woot!

tagged i was!

2008-07-05T11:34:00.002-05:00

Gina tagged me.

Rules: You must answer the questions using only one word. Then tag four others.

1. Where is your cell phone? Bed
2. Your significant other? Andrew
3. Your hair? Short
4. Your mother? Loving
5. Your father? Smart
6. Your favorite thing? Yarn
7. Your dream last night? Tardy
8 Your favorite drink? Water
9. Your dream/goal? RN
10. The room you’re in? Living
11. Your hobby? Knitting
12. Your fear? Loss
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Debt-free
14. What you’re not? Sedentary
15. Muffins? Okay.
16. One of your wish list items? Dishes
17. Where you grew up? Arkansas
18. The last thing you did? Laundry
19. What are you wearing? T-shirt
20. Favorite gadget? MP3
21. Your pets? Nonexistent
22. Your computer? Laptop
23. Your mood? Grumpy
24. Missing someone? Dawn
25. Your car? Discovery
26. Something you’re not wearing? Glasses
27. Favorite store? One?!?!?
28. Like someone? Noah
29. Your favorite color? Changes
30. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday
31. Last time you cried? Recently

I'm tagging: Angela, Momma, Dawn, TeamCraun

today

2008-07-02T10:13:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Andy made coffee for me this morning and we chatted for awhile. A million friends have wished e happy birthday on facebook, myspace, and Aut's Ramblings...and it's only 10:30 in the morning. I went on a long walk in the neighborhood this morning. I have some Old Navy bucks burning a hole in my pocket so I might go buy a cute shirt or dress. And of course I've printed my Cold Stone Creamery birthday coupon. Gotta get my TB test read at the health department. Might look for some new ear buds for my MP3 player since I have a small gift card to Best Buy and my current ear buds keep falling out of my ears. Maybe I'll go to Cupcakes on Kavanaugh today and save the ice cream coupon for a later date. Thinking about popping into the yarn store and petting some fiber...oh I forgot I still have some $ left on that gift card, too! Going out to dinner with some school friends tonight...and margaritas, yum! I'm an idealist, I think, so I tend to have lofty expectations and set myself up for disappointment. So I hope it turns out to be a wonderful day.

Tomorrow is my birthday!

2008-07-01T15:02:00.002-05:00

I'll be 28 tomorrow. I hope it's a good year for me and my family. Seems I have a lot of goals and aspirations these days. Looking for quite a bit of change. Feeling hesitantly hopeful regarding certain life issues. I haven't really been looking forward to turning 28 years old. I'm starting to see lines in my face that weren't there before. For years I have wanted to grow up, be an adult, get to the next life milestone, but now...

I wish time could slow down. My children are growing up more quickly than I'd like. People in my extended family are showing their age a bit more, and it's hard to think of what life will be like in the next 10, 20, 30 years... yes, that's a long time, but I know it will pass all too quckly, much more quickly than the last 10, 20, 30 years. Does anyone else feel a haunting sadness when they realize they're aging? I want to enjoy and savor every day. Every day is a gift, you know!

Speaking of gifts, I'm giving myself a birthday gift! Want to know what it is? Okay, I'll tell you. It's....(drumroll please)...healthy lifestyle changes. I have been quite sedentary since enrolling in school last summer. Because of the size and layout of my kitchen, I don't enjoy cooking like I used to...so my diet has been less than ideal and includes quite a bit of fast food: blech! During the last couple months my sleeping habits have resembled my night owl husband's which is totally not what my body thrives on. Dehydration has been my constant companion for weeks. Also, I have wasted countless hours of my life on Facebook and idle computer time which is fun for a moment but ultimately makes me nauseous. SOOO... I started unpacking my birthday gift yesterday. I drank plenty of water. I had a lengthy conversation with my body-building husband and sketched out a new exercise program. I went to the gym to get some exercise, and I am so proud of myself for that. You have no idea how much mental and physical effort it took to get there! (And I went again today!) Also, instead of playing on the computer before bedtime, I did something that feeds my soul...I wrote in my journal. My journal has been missing me for some time.

There are certain things in life that nourish my soul. Facebook is not one of them. Ice cream is not one of them ...okay, maybe sometimes! ;) I have been spending my time on things that leave me feeling regretful, soul-sick, guilty, bored, or empty.

I'm going to try to be more careful how I spend my time. Here are just some of the things that are important to me:
*my husband Andy
*my children Erik, Hailey, and Noah
*regular exercise (endorphins!)
*nutritious food
*relationship with God
*journaling
*knitting
*friends
*academic success
*my morning coffee
*becoming debt free
*time to relax
*routines
*an organized home

And by the way, despite my friends' disbelief, I have gained almost 20 pounds since school started last June. Please ask me how I'm doing with meeting exercise goals. I'm expecting some good results regardless, but accountability and cheerleaders will help tremendously!

blabber

2008-06-15T17:10:00.003-05:00

flew to Baltimore last Tuesday. drove with my 2 sisters and 2 nephews all the way back to Little Rock (straight through the night...and then some!) got some kind of virus or allergy going on, complete with scratchy throat, itchy ears, headache, and nights spent sitting up and choking on post-nasal drip. had fun at knit nite last night though. first time i've been in a looong time (as in months.) frogged a knit sock, started over, frogged it again. then crocheted instead. then came home and had company over. kicked booty at Tetris, no surprise there. ;) went to bed at 0200. said happy father's day to Andy before he set out for the golf course this morning. ate lunch at parents' house and took my dad a Cold Stone Creamery ice cream cake. fortunately I thought he would like my favorite flavor. and he was nice enough to share. :) came home for some quiet rest time with the kids. crocheted some more while looking at Hailey's newest fashion design sketches. she loves dresses. thinking about getting some soil to replant my single basil plant before i kill it. waiting for Andy to finish up his golf game and come home. kids want to go swimming but i choose not to take the threesome to the pool by myself. maybe a catnap is in order. only 3 weeks left until my napping habit will once again be snatched away by my nursing instructors...along with every millisecond of free time. if you want to see me and/or feel like we are friends, now is the time. :) oh, and i am in love with Kay's homemade mac&cheese. i should have eaten more at lunch.

"good" tired

2008-06-05T17:55:00.002-05:00

Well, it has been a busy day but a good busy. Hailey graduated from Pre-K today! We went to the local playground with her class and teachers. The kids played, the teachers handed out graduation certificates (no caps and gowns though...Nonie was relieved) and we ate hot dogs, bananas and chips. I can't wait to get some pictures posted! My cousin Connor and Hailey's best friend Paige also graduated Pre-K today. Thank you to Nonie, Momma, Hope, Andy, and Erik for being there to cheer the kids on. (and also to bring us Starbucks!!)

Then my sister Hope came over and went swimming with me and the kids...well I didn't get in the water, but she was terrific with the kids! It was so nice to have an extra set of eyes and hands available. I get so paranoid with the kids in the pool. There were a couple times I feared I would have to perform CPR on kids. Noah kept choking on the water until he almost threw up, but that's because he's Mr. Adventure and I try not to hold him back. There was a tiny girl who slipped out of an inner tube and ended up head down, feet sticking out of the water...and I mean tiny like less than 2 years old. It took her a couple minutes to settle down after her mom got her out of the water. Anyway, we're all in one piece. A little sunburned (despite spf 50) and exhausted. Hailey and Noah usually take a daily nap (so do I for that matter!) and none of us got one today. I'm trying to stay awake so I can keep them awake until bedtime. At least TOMORROW WE CAN SLEEP IN!!!! School is out for the summer after today! I'm excited but apprehensive. That means I'm that much closer to going back to school...July 7 is not too far away. not far enough anyway.

Merci

2008-06-02T18:12:00.002-05:00

81. my ear is feeling better
82. Hailey got to play at her best friend's house after school today
83. bamboo sheets on my bed...ahhhh, luxurious!
84. my husband can cook
85. my grind & brew & insulate coffee machine
86. my daughter's curls
87. bad dreams that help me not take my kids for granted
88. Scooby Doo band-aids and neosporin with pain relief
89. people who leave coupons next to items on store shelves (used one today!)
90. air conditioning!
91. thunder
92. daisies
93. Andy bought me a fun new dress for last Saturday's cocktail party (Momma, I wore the black and white one)
94. my husband gives haircuts to our boys and my cousins (saves $)
95. wireless XBOX "dee-trollers"
96. family who get involved in kids' events such as school, ball games, etc.
97. living in such a beautiful state...lots of green this time of year
98. my growing collection of "crafts" my daughter lovingly makes for me
99. quick & easy access to information about anything
100. God's goodness

schlepping

2008-05-29T20:13:00.002-05:00

Thank you, Janet, for giving me permission to do nothing! :) It's nice to have girlfriends who are permission-givers. Everyone else seems so busy I guess during this break from school I'm going to have to be my own permission-giving girlfriend, too...

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO:
1. entertain my children by doing cartwheels in the living room while they eat dinner.
2. read an indulgent fictional novel...nothing to do with nursing or self-improvement.
3. take as many naps as I want during any hour of the day or night.
4. wear flip flops or bare feet all the time.
5. be spontaneous and a bit impulsive, provided I pay attention to intuition.
6. kiss and hug my kids and husband until they have to pry me off of them.
7. paint my nails metallic aqua blue.
8. not like swimming or swimsuits or sunburns.
9. work night shift if I feel like it.
10. not work at all if I feel like it.
11. stay up late to paint with watercolors and drink a beer.
12. accept help without feeling guilty.
13. laugh out loud if something tickles my fancy.
14. cook without recipes.
15. wear clothes that don't match.
16. lock my bedroom door when I want to get away.
17. shop, try on lots of clothes, and not buy anything.
18. splurge on my kids from time to time.
19. turn 28 years even though that number sounds too old to me.
20. count chores and housework as 'exercise'
21. talk to strangers wherever I go because people are interesting.
22. pursue a career that will benefit myself, my family, and my community.
23. buy expensive yogurt.
24. stop apologizing for having an opinion.
25. be unconventional.
26. watch t.v. without guilt.
27. not micromanage my time.
28. 'waste time' watching squirrels, listening to birds, gazing at stars, savoring ice cream...

if you think of something else that might enhance my last five weeks of freedom in 2008, let me know! cuz after that...i'll be busier than EvER and wishing to taste boredom again. :) funny how the grass is always greener...

ouchie

2008-05-27T15:05:00.002-05:00

got a tube put in my ear today. how fun, right?!? the wierdest part was listening to Dr. ENT make the incision on my tympanic membrane (aKa "eardrum") he said it would sound like paper being cut...not quite, but I can't describe it any better. it was disconcerting to say the least. the numbing drop wore off promptly after i left the office, and i'm not feeling so chipper. my hearing is wacky. i'm supposed to get used to it in a few days? at least there's hope of no eardrum ruptures for the next 6 months. after that... who knows. next step is a CT scan. it's just wierd yaknow. at least i have an extra excuse to stay out of the swimming pool.

Aut & Andy

2008-05-23T08:24:00.003-05:00

How long have you been married? tomorrow will be 8 years!
Where did you meet? at the WILDS camp in Brevard, North Carolina during our high school senior class trips (which happened to be at the same place and time)
How long did you date? we had a long distance relationship for 2 years before marrying
How old is he? 28 (with only 7 birthdays)
Who eats more? he does
Who said “I love you” first? I honestly don't remember but it was on instant message and we have the conversation printed out and in a memory box
Who is taller? him
Who sings better? he does and I love it when he sings
Who is smarter? we're smart in different ways...i would have to say me though ;)
Whose temper is worse? definitely mine
Who does the laundry? I do...and lots of it!
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? me...wait, which side is the right side?
Who pays the bills? we both do
Who cooks dinner? we both do...sometimes the guys at Las Palmas do :)
Who drives when you are together? ME, usually from the passenger seat though
Who is more stubborn? we're both very 'strong' in this area
Who kissed whom first? he asked me if I wanted a Tic Tac, I said yes, he put it between his lips and I retrieved it
Who is the first to admit to being wrong? he is...i'm usually right. (hehe)
Whose parents do you see the most? used to be his, but now it's mine
Who proposed? he did
What’s his best physical attribute? I love all of him! (especially his eyes, smile, hair, hands)
Who has more friends? hard to say...we both need more time for friends, but Andy is liked by everyone
What are you most proud of him for? building his own business, constantly growing and learning, loving and providing for his family
Who has more siblings? we're both the oldest of three
Who wears the pants in the family? I like to think that I do and I like him to think that I do but ultimately he does (shhh, don't tell him!)

Now... Dawn, Janet, Momma, it's your turn!

yippity.skippity.hip.hip.HOORAY!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-21T21:35:00.001-05:00

GO DAVID COOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my "idol" hehe ;)
I'm a happy girl tonight.

(all in good fun)

American Idol's final week

2008-05-20T20:57:00.002-05:00

okay, DAWN... for your info (are you sitting down for this?) I decided not to vote tonight!!! why? well, i'm torn. you know i am in love with DC. he's totally cool. he's a rockstar in my book. Archie is fabulous, too. he probably will win the AI competition. and my kids will even tell you "mom will be happy either way." my hunch is that DC might be better off with 2nd place because then he can move on with his career and not always be known as an american idol, you know? he can be his own cool self.

o.m.g. Noah came out to the living room in his backwards Scooby Doo underwear (I told him to get his pj's on)...Erik just informed me that Noah decided to sleep in his 'sexy underwear'

hee hee ha hee

thank you kindly

2008-05-20T11:23:00.002-05:00

more to be thankful for:

61. my husband's phone calls, e-mails, myspace and facebook and text messages
62. a teenage sister who thinks it's fun to sleep over at my house :)
63. $4 prescriptions at Wal-Mart
64. surviving 10 years out of high school!
65. maintenance men who respond too quickly (no time to clean up!)
66. a fabulous long weekend spent camping with my children
67. butterflies
68. motivation to exercise today...go me!
69. humor, comedy, laughter
70. XBOX 360 (and Tetris and Guitar Hero)
71. a break from school (albeit too short)
72. Fage yogurt (pronounced "Fa-yeh")
73. good hearing ability in at least one ear
74. fingernail polish
75. floss
76. generous parents
77. plenty of "stuff" (trying to turn things positive here...)
78. reminders of my husband whenever I look around my house
79. Flylady's Blogtalk radio 24/7
80. inspiring friends (there are so many, but today I will mention Bek, Rachael, Ang and Janet)

Still not feeling great with all my ear mess. This is surprising since I've been on antibiotics (faithfully I might add!) for 6 days. I know from experience that it can take a couple months for hearing to be restored, but the ear is still kind of achey. Appointment next Tuesday.

Excited that Dawn is coming to town in June. Looking forward to spending some time with her (if everyone else doesn't steal her away) and cuddling with my darling nephews!

Where do people store winter coats during the warm seasons? I really don't want them taking up space in the front closet. I'd rather use that closet for beach towels, outside toys, and summer fun stuff. I'm slowly revamping the storage spaces available to our family... but making a mess in the process. :)

happy campers

2008-05-17T18:09:00.002-05:00

does anyone else who wears contacts find that they "push their glasses up" on their nose after putting in a fresh pair of contacts? it makes me feel so silly when i reach up to my nose and their is nothing there but ... my nose!

well, i surprised myself this past weekend and took our 6 year old, 5 year old, and 3 year old camping...without my husband! granted, we were with a group which included my wonderful aunt & uncle (those titles make them sound old but they're more like good friends) and it worked out pretty well. we were supposed to leave around 1030 Thursday morning, and I decided around 0730 that we were indeed going. crazy i know. sometimes it suits me. so we made the 2.5 hour drive home this afternoon, and now the laundry is whirring, kids are bathed, ticks are picked off everybody, camping gear is already back in the storage unit (minus the cooler), we're all hungry, and i am collapsed on the couch trying to think of what to do for dinner. pizza anyone?

goodness gracious

2008-05-14T18:08:00.002-05:00

had to have the house sprayed because i've found two too many brown recluse spiders this week. i DON'T do spiders. especially poisonous ones that want to crawl in my daughter's bed.

debating about going camping this weekend. the kids are begging. i really want to go. just wondering whether it would be fun-filled or just too much work.

had my ear doc appt today. the generic version of my antibiotics was a whopping $95.00! have to go back in 2 weeks for x-rays of my head. gee, fun. my doctor is perplexed by my recurrent ear infections. and i'm wishing we had some health insurance.

well, I'm trying to get the kids fed and to bed before American Idol comes on tonight. I'm holding my breath and crossing my fingers and toes that "the Davids" both make it to the final week!!! :)

Happy Mother's Day to me!

2008-05-11T11:05:00.003-05:00

My eardrum has ruptured once again. Based on what the doc said last time, I will probably be having minor surgery this week to put tubes in my ears...at least in the one that keeps getting infected.

I was talking with Andy this morning, and he was so funny. Apparently whenever I have referred to getting "tubes put in my ears" he has envisioned quite a sight... a literal tube coming out of my ear and wrapping around the back of my head and making me talk funny, heee heeee. I'm sure he was relieved when I explained what really happens.

Anyway, I'm a little nervous to go to the doctor. This ear problem is getting costly, and my last appointment was invasive enough (they stuck a long scope up my nose and sinuses to visualize some ear structures.) I don't like the idea of tiny instruments in my ear.

I wish I knew what's causing the problems. According to my ENT, it's very unusual for a healthy adult with no childhood history of ear infections to suddenly have several significant infections in a matter of months. ::sigh::

Pray for me.

Merci (Thank you)

2008-05-11T01:57:00.004-05:00

21. the privilege of motherhood and the personal growth that accompanies it
22. my sublime work arrangement and such flexible hours
23. lip balm
24. thunderstorms (we had golf ball sized hail!)
25. PBS Kids
26. Panera Bread opening soon in my city!!!
27. digital cameras
28. my garlic press
29. the sweet smell and taste of honeysuckle
30. a huge yard for the kids to play in
31. satin pillowcases
32. sisters
33. indoor plumbing
34. unlimited calling to in-network friends and family
35. a husband who cares about his appearance
36. a husband who prefers a clean home
37. a husband who perseveres
38. a game closet that's overflowing
39. friends who keep in touch even when I don't
40. romantic movies that remind me of falling in love for the first time
41. brown eyes...I like them on me and on other people, too
42. Momma (she's a constant friend with a big heart)
43. my tall dining room table and chairs
44. living within walking distance of bank, post office, grocery, etc.
45. playgrounds
46. The Container Store :)
47. strawberries and asparagus in season (not together, of course!)
48. Starbucks on every corner
49. I finally got the perfume I wanted for so long
50. a sheltered childhood that protected me from a lot of heartache
51. contact lenses
52. friends who knit
53. a husband and kids who are less serious than me...they make me laugh
54. the ability to type quickly
55. good drinking water
56. Saving Dinner by Leanne Ely
57. the library
58. old photographs
59. flip-flops
60. a great-fitting pair of jeans

thankful still more

2008-05-10T08:02:00.002-05:00

11. weekends
12. an armoire for the t.v. so I can get it out of sight
13. changes in weather
14. birdsongs in the morning
15. walls that aren't white
16. easy access to good healthcare
17. online banking
18. coffee
19. music
20. 2 wonderful brothers-in-law

copycat

2008-05-09T18:48:00.002-05:00

Today I played in a volleyball tournament. It was our school picnic, and I'm so glad I attended. Our class team kicked booty! My face hurts from sunburn, but it was so worth it.

Then I rushed over to a Mother's Day Tea in Hailey's classroom. She served me, Nini, Nonie, Hope, and Noah some cookies and pink lemonade. She gave me some really adorable creations of hers.

I'm going to copycat those who are doing 1,000 Things I'm Thankful For.

1. air conditioning in my home
2. air conditioning in my car
3. Las Palmas
4. living so close to Skip and Janet
5. an overabundance of fresh food
6. the opportunity to pursue a career in nursing
7. my dishwasher
8. having all four limbs on my body
9. my laptop and wireless internet in my home
10. my three beautiful children

According to my children.

2008-05-08T12:58:00.002-05:00

Erik slept in my bed last night since Andy wasn't here. I overslept this morning (how I can sleep through three alarms boggles my mind) so Erik actually woke me up. He was staring blankly at the wall so I asked him what was on his mind.

E: "Mom, first grade is a waste of time."

snipits

2008-05-07T15:35:00.003-05:00

i'm growing my hair out again, and it's really fluffy and annoying

i've been eating really well the last couple days, but i think i just ate a BAG of sunchips

I'M NO LONGER A FRESHMAN! woot woot.

it's gonna be an interesting month with husband's work plans

yoga class was pleasantly challenging today

i'm so thankful to live close to family, for various reasons

i can't believe i ate all those sunchips (the kids did help some)

i think i might have a cavity :(

the air outside smells very sweet

i've decided to limit my family's meat consumption (and increase veggies)

with no schoolwork to do, i've become WAY o.c.d. with my calendar and to do list
(just ask Janet!)

monday night i saw the most extensive wound i've seen yet...so gross and fascinating

may 24 is our 8th wedding anniversary

i feel like a kid again with all the bruises and cuts i've been getting lately

consistency in parenting is so hard but it pays off within one day

looking forward to mother's day tea at my 5yo daughter's class on friday :)

rambles

2008-04-28T16:07:00.002-05:00

~looking into buying a grill...any suggestions?
~beginning to plan a real family vacation
~my kids have soooo much energy
~this is the final week of my spring semester!
~loving yoga classes
~looking forward to stimulus check
~in-laws coming to town on Wednesday
~husband working quite a lot
~gnats are incredibly annoying
~little sister got her braces off
~library books overdue
~kids changed fridge temp and froze everything
~claritin works
~vacuum broke
~dreaming of a bigger kitchen
~can't decide what to do during school break
~next semester begins July 7
~friends are essential
~i need a good jog
~looking for a new bedroom color scheme
~want some company

A morning with Noah.

2008-04-21T09:56:00.003-05:00

The boy has made both Andy & me laugh out loud multiple times this morning.
___________________
Noah (climbing into my bed and shaking my shoulder): Mom! When are you going to wake up? Mom! Mo-om! When are going to wake up?

Me (opening my eyes wide and looking at Noah, trying to show him I was already awake): What does it look like, Noah?

Noah: uh... morning.
___________________
Me (to Andy): You want to make some coffee for me, Babe?

Noah: No.
___________________
Me (to Noah): What do you want for breakfast, my dear?

Noah (giggling): I not a deer!
___________________
Noah: Mom, do we not have a lot of food?

Me: We have enough, but we do need to go to the grocery store soon.

Noah: But if we eat all the junk, we will get fat?

Me: Yeah, and be unhealthy.

Noah: Yeah, and we would roll like a big ball!
___________________
Noah: I burped.

Me: Well, what do you say?

Noah (trying to speak French): Excuse me, wall.
___________________
(in other news, only 2 weeks of school left for me! and i need a haircut.)

jeez louise

2008-04-15T21:39:00.003-05:00

i might fall asleep as i sit here and type this. don't know why i don't get up and walk myself the 20-ish steps to my bed. ah, yes...that would require energy expenditure!

loving microsoft word which is newly installed on my laptop. has lots of bells and whistles to get used to.

final math exam tomorrow at 0800. it'll be fine.

today my friend at school said it hurts her eyes when the instructors turn the lights on and off and on again during a power point lecture. i exclaimed "that's because it's bleaching your rhodopsin!" (it just slipped out... i couldn't help myself!) then i apologized for being such a nerd. then she said "it's okay, autumn, you can't help it." and that tells me she loves me.

and i really should not be apologizing anyway!

(and i really am sort of a nerd.)

(but i like it.)

settling

2008-04-14T19:47:00.003-05:00

today was nursing theory exam #9...the "mt. everest" of the semester...and i did really swell! only 2 theory exams left this semester. i've done all the calculations, and it looks like i'll be getting a high 'B' this semester unless i simply don't show up for the last 2 exams. (i console myself with the knowledge that at any other school it would be an 'A')

(i loathe tax time.)

but i'm happy i passed surgical scrub checkoff on my first attempt! not a lot of people can say that.

since i've been growing out of all my clothes and feeling drained of energy, i decided to start walking again. starting small (or not, as it would seem, hee hee!) today is day 2 (in a row!) that i walked 15 minutes. throwing in some push-ups (ha! not many!) or crunches or lunges here and there. my short-term goal is simply to walk 15 minutes each day this week, Sunday through Saturday.

(i loathe tax time.)

but i'm celebrating some small successes... or maybe they're not so small!

Happy Birthday HAILEY JOY!!!

2008-04-11T17:12:00.006-05:00

You're FIVE.
5 things I love about YOU, my daughter:

1. your creative mind
2. your wonder-filled curiosity
3. your nurturing spirit
4. your exuberant laughter
5. your big brown eyes

Happy Birthday, Hailey. I love you so much!
From Mommy

we survived.

2008-04-05T09:04:00.003-05:00

We survived the tornado weather Thursday night. It was exciting! I love storms. I'm sad for the people who lost cars and homes and stuff. But it was fun crouching in ONE BATHROOM while the sirens were going off -- Skip, Janet, Caelan, Colby, Cameron, Connor, Camille, Erik, Hailey, Noah, and myself. (That's ELEVEN PEOPLE if you didn't count!) The kids and I ended up sleeping over because the storms just kept coming. It was a memorable night for sure!

Thank God for protecting our families.

I'm so Blue-who-who-who.

2008-03-31T10:38:00.004-05:00

It's that time of year again. I'm struggling to feel sane and keep my wits about me. Even on sunshine days I'm having a hard time getting out of bed (don't even mention leaving the house.) I feel disorganized, drowning in clutter. And when I try to fix it, somehow it just gets worse! Take yesterday for example...

My clothes closet was in such disarray that I couldn't really see what I had in there. And even if I could see something, it probably wouldn't fit me anyway. I wear scrubs most days, but on days I wear regular clothes I am LOST. So I emptied out my entire closet...even detail-vacuumed the little bit of carpet in there. But oops... I bit off more than I could chew! The process of emptying out my closet (and piling every article of clothing on the bed) took every ounce of energy that I had. Sadly, Andy slept on the couch last night (no hard feelings...there was just no room!) and I scrunched up on one corner of the clothes-covered bed. Long night indeed.

It seems no matter how much effort, energy, sweat, or love I put into this house, it keeps getting messier and messier. Am I not doing enough? I thought I was pretty good about throwing things out, dropping donations off for charities, etc. HELP!

I can't just stop life to get my house in order. If I do, my nursing student career will suffer. It's intense. I need a lot of study time these days. ::sigh::

Well, all I meant to say is that I'm struggling with that seasonal depression monster, and somehow this turned into a rant about my messy house. I'm sure the two are mingling together to intensify both problems.

For now, I've got to figure out which clothes fit and what to do with the rest...and what on earth I'll wear when that's complete. (Can't you feel my excitement?!?)
(yes, that was sarcastic)

pictures as promised...

2008-03-25T14:38:00.005-05:00

When I left for Arizona, I wanted to be sure to get a picture with a cactus!

A few weeks ago we got a bit of snow!

Me and the man I love so much!

Hailey, Erik, Noah

The kids really love each other!

So happy together...

Deenoah

2008-03-24T11:55:00.006-05:00

Noah cracks me up. He's irresistably cute and funny. And sometimes just the way he pronounces his words makes me smile.

He has started placing a "de" or sometimes a "be" at the beginning of various words. Examples:
deemote (remote)
deetroller (xbox controller)
beetato (tomato or potato)
Lightning DeQueen (pretty obvious if you've seen Cars)

A few other things I love to hear him say:
beardy (bird)
feeyearty (thirty)
feeyirst (first)

Easter photos coming soon hopefully!

on marriage.

2008-03-22T10:09:00.003-05:00

During my senior year of high school my Anatomy & Physiology teacher, Miss Beckwith, and I had several meaningful conversations about life. One particular comment she made has come back to haunt me in recent years:
"The person you'd choose to marry at 19 is very different than the person you'd choose to marry at 29."
It just so happens that I married when I was 19, and next year I will turn 29. Miss Beckwith's comment usually comes to mind during a heated argument or when the grass on the "other side" turns a vibrant kelly green.
When I got married people warned me that, "Marriage is hard work." And I never doubted them. But now I know for sure. Marriage - especially a good one - takes lots of effort. It takes thought, planning, introspection, communication. Add in some good intention, plenty of patience, vulnerability, and choosing to believe the best about someone.
Sometimes married people lose that 'loving feeling.' Even worse, sometimes married people feel ::gasp:: hatred and rage toward one another. Those times can be devastating, I know. But I also know that persistence, commitment, loyalty, and some good old sweat and tears... they pay off!
My marriage is far from perfect, but it's perfect for me. It is challenging (and you know how I love a good challenge!) and causes me to grow on a daily basis. I find comfort in this relationship. Just the other day I told Andy that being next to him, I feel like I can weather any of life's storms. On the worst of days I know that at some point I'll be able to lay my head on a pillow next to my lover, and everything will be alright.
Miss Beckwith was right. I probably would have chosen someone different had I married at 29. And in that case, thanks be to God that I married at 19!
For the last 10 years Andy and I have been growing... growing up individually and making sure we're growing together in the process... and that's where the hard work comes in. And it has been SO worth it!
I love you, Andy. Thank you for marrying me, providing for me, fathering our children, and inspiring me simply by being who you are. A girl couldn't ask for more.

the valleys and the peaks

2008-03-10T22:03:00.002-05:00

my trip to Phoenix had its ups and downs (both literally and figuratively!)

some high points:
1. no nursing school for a whole week!
2. flying on airplanes with my favorite person in the whole wide world
3. eating lots and LOTS of dessert
4. finding some great new jeans... then realizing they're on sale for $10
5. seeing and hugging and playing dress-up with my beloved sister-in-law
6. doing yoga until it hurts to sit down on the toilet seat (but oh so fun!)
7. riding around in a convertible for the first time
8. some of the best restaurant experiences ever
9. heaven-breakfasts with good coffee (don't know how else to say it)
10. a comfortable bed to sleep on in a peaceful home
11. SUNSHINE...and lots of it!
12. marriage growth
13. getting my hair chopped some more
14. sinking into my seat at 120 mph (only for a second, and no I wasn't the one driving)
15. waking up with no alarm clock (even it was 6:00 in the morning)
16. missing the kids - an opportunity to treasure them even more
17. Pita Jungle
18. having a groovy girlfriend to scour clothing racks with
19. becoming the owner of a perfume I've wanted for more than a year
20. not being pregnant
21. cacti & palm trees & endless blue sky
22. having a good long cry (sometimes you just need one)
23. leaving the party
24. garmin
25. receiving permission to go to an 8-day yoga retreat in Costa Rica
26. discovering fabulous music
27. the highlight of my trip: Sunday... taking a long drive with my husband up into the mountains, enjoying the scenery, stopping for delicious food at the Spotted Donkey, holding hands in the art gallery, eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream, taking photos of ourselves next to a cactus, driving through a gorgeous mountaintop neighborhood, dreaming of our future, watching the sunset, marvelling at the purple mountain majesty (now I get it!)

I think Andy agrees with me. Our time together on Sunday was worth the whole trip. He said it's like dessert - we'd rather have a few bites of a gourmet, beautifully-presented masterpiece of a dessert than a whole 5-gallon bucket of some cheap ice cream. Don't get me wrong...I need quantities of time with my husband, but this sure was some of the best quality time we've ever had. Thank you, Andy, for taking me with you!

(and a huge THANK YOU to Skip & Janet and my mom & dad for providing childcare!)

sunshine!

2008-03-09T16:41:00.005-05:00

Cannot wait to see the kiddies again! But for today, I'm going to enjoy the sUNsHinE!!!

LEAP for joy!

2008-02-29T18:36:00.002-05:00

Today is Andrew's 7th birthday!!! Please leave a comment naming 7 random things you love about my wonderful husband! And I'll go first...

1. he's the most professional and savvy businessman I know, but also...
2. he's probably the silliest, most fun grown-up boy ever
3. he's H-O-T... ::tsssss:: (sorry, hun, I couldn't resist)
4. he brings balance, love, and laughter to our family
5. he has a solid work ethic coupled with integrity
6. he's musical and artsy and creative and inspiring
7. he is truly the coolest guy I know, and if I had to choose a husband today ...
I'D STILL CHOOSE HIM!

Happy Birthday, Andy!
With love, Autumn

Give me some ideas...

2008-02-25T12:44:00.001-05:00

I need your help. Read my most recent post at:

Savary Sensations

Thanks!

Photo Post!

2008-02-24T19:11:00.005-05:00

ummm... Janet will appreciate this... Out of 100+ pictures from birthday party night, there was only one with me in it (and not quite blog-worthy.) But some of these are pretty cute! There are several photos of my little cousins, a couple of my kiddos, and a few of Birthday Boy Andy. I sooo love that my daughter is not a prissy prim-and-proper girl. I'm trying to encourage her creativity, imagination, and wonderful artistry. So what if she insists on wearing rainbow-striped tights, polka dot shorts, and ladybug rain boots all at the same time?! Maybe she'll be a trendsetter.

Mazie and Hailey posing for the camera. Erik must have been hiding because this was about the only picture of him.

Two of my most favoritest women in the world (and one precious cousin). Noah loves to play dress-up, and check the masculine wrapping paper my mom used for Andy's birthday gifts. ;) His card played "Macho Man" when it was opened. There's a family joke there...

Some more cousins...all BOY. I think Andy was having a good time.

In lieu of "cake"...obviously someone had swiped a few before the photo was taken. Happy Birthday, Andy and Caitlyn!

Camille and Caitlyn. Connor enjoys his root beer.

Clockwise from top: Zachary, Donavan, Colby, Cameron. I think I scared baby Andrew just a teensy bit. :)

Cheers!!!

random tidbits... or titbits, hee hee

2008-02-24T09:17:00.003-05:00

i'm happy my fave local coffee shop has started having live music nights. :) i was there last night, and it was groovy.

until now i have neglected to mention that Andybubba is taking me to arizona soon! sunshine, here i come!!!

my ear is still draining (yuck) and i don't want to take my hearing ability for granted ever again...i feel handicapped.

if you want your boobies to grow, just gain a few pounds! ;)

yowza!!!

2008-02-22T16:33:00.002-05:00

My eardrum ruptured while I was taking my exam this morning! It hurt so so so so so badly, and it's still aching and "leaking" and I still can't hear very well...and the things I can hear sound warped like your voice when you talk into a fan. I have fun memories of doing that as a kid. I think I could still get a kick out of it I owned a fan. :) Anyway, I hope it gets better soon.

Oh, and Em, you would be so proud! :) It has definitely been a week of growth. Thanks.

pain, pain, go away!

2008-02-22T06:40:00.002-05:00

bags under my eyes. i have been up since 3:00 this morning. nursing exam at 8:00. sooo not prepared for it. burned out on studying. having trouble concentrating. the pain in my ear doesn't help. that's what woke me up so early. why these ear infections?!? why now? every tiny burp is excruciating. how annoying.

on a more positive note, the kids seem to be getting better. motherly instinct worked this time...$100+ wasn't wasted to have a physician announce that we have a virus and simply have to ride it out. Noah's fever went away yesterday so we're in the clear for tonight's extended family February birthday party...Happy Birthday, Andy! (Feb 29)

i gave my first injection yesterday!!!!!!! my darling friend Rachel said she didn't even feel it! i have never had trouble with shots...i'll volunteer to let classmates practice on my arm all day. no big deal. now let me tell you that administering them is a whole new ballgame. i got all my supplies prepared, wiped her arm with the alcohol swab, grabbed her arm in one hand, syringe in the other, and then.... got a wee bit WOOZY. i was so scared. my instructor was saying things like "take some deep breaths, Autumn" but i finally got the nerve to stab her arm and i'm relieved it went so well (i passed medication administration!) and honestly i can't wait to do it again and again, haha! (now that just makes me feel evil)

p.s. seriously, i was dead-set against it, but i think i'm going to have to buy some new scrubs for school. my pants seem to have "shrunk!" and i guess that's okay...

CVICU & some random thoughts

2008-02-19T15:42:00.003-05:00

Hailey keeps saying "Mommy, I'm a fan of you." awwww.

Working in CVICU (cardiovascular intensive care unit) over the weekend was a good learning experience. It was a big wake-up call for me, a reminder that I am not studying to make good grades...I am studying to save lives. One person told me that CVICU is the most intensive unit in the hospital. I was intimidated by all the tubes/lines/wires that were attached to my patients. There were so many machines. The nurses and other staff were very friendly and helpful. I almost passed out a few times (was literally blacking out and squatting down to the floor so I wouldn't fall and hit my head) then the nurse I was with figured out that I had never worked a night shift and did not think to EAT. So she gave me a piece of pizza and a little while later I felt better. It took me ALL WEEKEND to recover from that night shift (legs/feet and fatigue). Not sure if I'm recovered yet actually. I didn't crack a textbook open all weekend so I'm feeling a bit behind...and also hope I'm not getting sick. Got that malaise thing going on. Noah and Hailey are coughing... the school nurse called me to pick up Hailey early today. I think I hear some crackles and wheezes (we played "doctor" with my stethescope when we got home) but she acts okay and doesn't have a significant temperature. hmmmmmm.

Andy's birthday is coming up! It's birthday #7 for him, hee hee!!! He's my leap day Babe. :)

Hailey went to her best friend's birthday party this weekend and had a ball! She is still talking about it. She won the pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game and viciously attacked the pinata. She talks about her friend (the birthday girl) every single day (no exaggeration here!) and they are a riot to watch when they're together (didn't know 2 little girls could make so much NOISE!) Anyway, the other day Hailey told me how they first met. "On the very first day of school I said 'Turn the page' and Paige said 'Hey! You just said my name!'" And they lived happily ever after. ;)

Okay, it's time for me to quit stalling. I need to study. And do laundry. And do both some more. And maybe I'll get so much done that I can justify watching American Idol tonight!!! (one of my guilty pleasures...anyone else a crazy fan?)

another lookalike, V-day, my first day @ work

2008-02-15T19:29:00.003-05:00

Today a classmate said she thinks I look like Katie Holmes with my bangs. It's funny how everyone sees things differently. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

Andy surprised me last night with babysitter arrangements, a movie, and dinner. I was planning to cook dinner and then study for this morning's medical terminology exam. We went to see Juno and then tried P.F. Changs for the first time. The entree (some kind of spicy curry rice noodle dish with cilantro, chicken and the tastiest shrimp ever!) was delicious, and I had a wonderful glass of J. Lohr Cabernet. Though I like a variety of wines, Cabernet Sauvignon is my wine of choice.

I decided I better roll up my sleeves and get oriented to working at the hospital. I chose to start tonight because I've heard it's pretty slow at night, and that might give me some time to find my way around and get familiar with equipment, etc. So I'm working 2400 - 0600 (midnight to 6:00 AM) oh. my. gosh. I'm in no way a night owl so this should be an interesting experience. Also (on the "interesting things" note) my scheduling lady put me in critical care! I don't know if that means ICU or step-down unit or NICU or ER or what?! I'll find out when I get to the hospital. So now I'm going to put my new "hunter green" (bright and atrocious) in the dryer and try to get some rest. (Andy's working and the kids are here with me so rest might be elusive.) ::sigh:: pray for me! I get so nervous when starting something new.

lookalike

2008-02-11T13:04:00.000-05:00

I'm studying at a local coffee shop today. Someone just told me I look Anne Hathaway. Must be the new bangs. I'll have to get Andy to take a pic.

irréparable

2008-02-11T11:28:00.000-05:00

spoken into existence
irretrievable
filled with energy,
potential,
and possibility.
capable of healing
yet so able to destroy.
memorable
for better or for worse.
oh please, loved one,
won't you forget
the thoughtless words
i spoke to you?
so filled with regret
am i.

let me kiss your feet.
i love you.

precious

2008-02-09T11:25:00.000-05:00

the other morning Noah and I were having breakfast together at the dining room table. he held out his hand and I gave him a high five. he grabbed onto my hand, leaned toward my face and said, "mom, you're so precious."

altogether now: "awwww!" it made my day.

in other news, i'm happy to have a hair appointment today. tonight is knit nite. it's also a game night with fellow nursing students...i'm quite torn between the two events and will probably do a little of both. Andy's mom and dad are in town, and the kids are having a blast spending time with them. it's gorgeous outside today (sunny and mid-60's) so we're planning to walk to a nearby playground. i'm going to try really hard today to not do any studying. i seem to be more productive when i take a real break once in awhile (but that's hard for me to do.) the driver side window in my land rover is stuck ... rolled all the way down. the two automotive shops we use are closed on the weekend. boo. i highly recommend ordering citrus straight from Florida groves. so sweet and juicy and delicious! there are flower buds on the tree outside. yippee! the coming of spring is hope-inspiring. it won't be winter forever. hope you all have a lovely weekend!