Goodbye, 20's. Hello, 30's!!!

On the eve of my 30th birthday, I served my children pasta shells & cheese, turkey hot dogs, and bananas for dinner. This makes me laugh. It's not typical of me to serve such a meal, but I am tired of setting mile high standards for myself. So I poured myself a glass of Chardonnay to go along with my hot dogs (ha!) and marveled at my children's enjoyment of their dinner. They were begging for seconds. And I gave it to them.

So I'm entering this new decade of life. I'm feeling an internal shift already. You know how some birthdays you immediately feel different and others feel like just another ordinary day? Well, tomorrow is no ordinary day. It kind of feels like a big deal. A milestone. I wish I had lots of friends to celebrate with. I thought about having a party. But it would have to be a small party because I don't have many close friends. I think I am okay with having just a few close friends. I've always been a "quality over quantity" kind of girl.

So back to this internal shift... I feel as though I'm going to be able to successfully lower my standards a bit! I'm starting to care less what other people think, enjoy my life for what it is - my own experience, and not have to prove anything to society. I'm pretty darn proud of myself for what I've accomplished over the past 10 years! I've gotten married (technically that was before my 20's but close enough...), bought a house, birthed and nursed three babies, grieved 3 miscarriages, homeschooled 2 children, taught myself to knit, sold a house, moved my family 1,000 miles across the country, endured the hardships that self-employment can bring, fought to hold on when marriage felt unbearable (and thank God we are still together!), battled depression and panic attacks and horrendous migraines, not only survived it but graduated nursing school with honors, passed NCLEX with flying colors to achieve my goal of becoming a RN before my 30th birthday, paid off lots of debt with my hard-earned income, landed the job interview I've dreamed of for years... and these are just the high points that come to mind. My 20's have had plenty of ups and downs. So much life experience!

Despite all the happy milestones, the last 10 years have been laced with feelings of isolation. Even now I am feeling loneliness. But I am also feeling hope. Hope that as my children grow older and more independent and as I grow more comfortable in my career and new routines develop, RELATIONSHIPS will blossom and new friendships will form. I'm working to get a good grip on our household finances, our home organization, and my relationship with my self. Though perfection is what I have striven for the last 10 years, I am now happy to say I can be content simply with PROGRESS. Things are improving a little each day. If this keeps up, 40 will be phenomenal!