grovel

forgive me, dear blog, for i have been having a wild affair with my iphone. particularly a facebook application and a game called word warp. i had forgotten you for awhile. but today i remembered you. i still like you. can we be friends?

I know it's been forever...

...but that's just how it goes for a woman who has
a husband, three children, a home, and a full-time career
as an RN student.

Every now & then I learn something new about myself
Or about humanity
Or about God.

I've been mulling over the complicatedness of life
Or maybe it's just complex.
Or maybe both.

Life is no cakewalk.
But it's beautiful
And multi-faceted.

Have you ever reached the point
Where you feel pain
And the pain feels oddly good
Simply because you're FEELING?

I don't like to be numb.

101:1001

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days. My 1001 days began on January 1, 2009, and will end on September 29, 2011.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.
2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

I'll share with you a sampling of my 101 things...
Open an IRA in my name.
Bake a baguette from scratch.
Grow my own basil and use it in a meal.
Take my children to Disney World.
Become Autumn Bruckman, RN.
Travel to San Antonio with my husband.
Spend one month caffeine- and alcohol-free.
Back up digital photos and music on external hard drive.
Experiment with false eyelashes.
Put a piano in my home, space permitting.
Save at least $20 from every paycheck.
Go to Fayetteville for a Razorbacks football game.
Complete Rosetta Stone French lessons, Volume 1.
Donate blood 3 times.
Run three miles in 30 minutes or less.
Sing karaoke in public.
Go to a bed & breakfast with girlfriends.
File taxes before April 1.
Make homemade marshmallows.
Read the complete Harry Potter series.
Take a self-defense class.
Ride in a train.
Go bowling and score higher than 120.
Purchase a digital camera for myself.
Take dance lessons with my husband.
Give Hailey her own bedroom...DONE ALREADY!!!
Change wedding band setting or get current bands sautered.
Undergo electrolysis under arms.
Use my neti pot every day for one week.
Have a 10 year wedding anniversary photo shoot at the Olmsted Falls covered bridge.
Sign Noah up for gymnastics or baseball.
Learn to play bass guitar.

withdrawals

I'm going to into Facebook withdrawals. I didn't bring my laptop to Cleveland, and we don't have internet in our hotel room. The computer here in the business center blocks Facebook.com

Will someone please comment here or e-mail me to say hi?

This is my third day with NO VOICE...how am I supposed to catch up with dear old friends? I feel like a prisoner in my own body, unable to express myself or be heard. It's scary being in public at museums or in the icy downtown streets with my children...they can't hear me call their names...and the louder I try to yell, the less sound comes out of my squeaky voice box. ::sigh::

I take my voice for granted. I think Andy is enjoying the sort-of silence when he's driving the car. Less back-seat driving going on. Don't worry, I found a way to squeeze his arm when it's time to hit the brakes, and pointing the fingers comes in handy when it's time to turn. (I know, I'm terrible.)

So not having a voice OR Facebook (which I really do use to communicate with people...a lot!) is making me very very lonely. I could call up a Cleveland friend, but then what? squeak squeak.

Semester is officially OVER.

I just opened a letter from school.... got a nice scholarship for spring semester! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Tonight I'm going out with some classmates...Mexican food then a comedy club. We're celebrating our success, wahoo!

a few changes

1. bangs!
2. a room that's all mine...for study or whatever i fancy!
3. i'm an upperclassman now!


p.s. hello, Clevelanders.. i shall see you soon!

riddled road to who-knows-where

down in the dumps, it's okay.
tides will change, here comes May.
tears do flow, sweep away
all the yuck of the days
when i don't get my way.

tomorrow is nigh...
what joy will be mine
when sun meets the sky,
that sky where i fly
in my dreams every night.

today is done.
princess and sons
do slumber,
but not i.

heavy heart, fragile me
sitting by my christmas tree,
wondering what road this be...
life seems such a mystery
without my churchianity.
i've lost my false security
and found i don't know who is me.

but there she goes -
despite her woes,
she grows.
oh, the wind - it blows,
and my soul, it knows
the end of the road is somewhere.

she is me.
and she grows.
and she just doesn't know
what it's for.

finish the sentence...

•I'm happiest when... my family adheres to routines.
•Someday I'm going to... travel to Europe!
•When I'm really down, what I want to do is... find a way to get back up.
•I feel anxious when... I don't know my bank balance.
•I'm afraid that... I will lose the people I love most.
•I like people who... are classy AND down-to-earth.
•All it takes to make me happy is... some yarn.
•What I really want to do is... love people more.
•I wish that... my house would clean itself.
•I don't like people who... throw cigarettes out car windows.
•A person really should... find one hobby that makes them come alive.
•I just hate it that... people are imperfect.
•I have everything I need, however... some motivation would be nice.
•If I could do whatever I wanted, I would... wait a minute! who says I can't do whatever I want?! (I think I would like to have the ability to fly....I dream about it often.)

YOUR TURN.

Today...

This morning I...
1. studied for tomorrow's exam
2. brewed coffee
3. cooked breakfast for myself
4. took photos of breakfast & recent knitting
5. uploaded photos to Facebook & Flickr
6. ate breakfast
7. took cookies to Hailey and hugged Noah at school
8. stopped by the bank
9. talked with my sister-in-law for awhile

This afternoon I shall:
10. study for tomorrow's exam
11. take a walk with the kids
12. post A.M. and P.M. Routines somewhere in the house
13. cook a chicken dish of some sort...probably chicken salad
14. clean my bedroom
15. knit more on my fingerless mitts
16. help kids make paper chain to count down days to Cleveland

me in a (rather large) nutshell?

I took this TEST after reading Jen's and Leanne's results...rather interesting and freakishly accurate. Here's my summary...what do you think?

Your Brain Usage Profile:
Auditory : 35%
Visual : 64%
Left : 50%
Right : 50%

Autumn, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.

You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.

You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.

With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.
Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional.

If you were tempted to NOT vote...

Tomorrow...

means

and

(FOR FREE!!!)

flickr fotos

If you are a privileged Flickr friend, I've uploaded lots of pictures from September and October stuff. Still have camping photos to upload, but seriously it's 3:18 AM and I am going back to bed. Here's a teaser...

current stuff, mostly GREEN

This is the book I'm currently devouring (haha, that pun was really unintentional! Why do I always do that?!) Anyway...oh my gosh, I was about to say "It'll really give you a lot to chew on." HAHA. How does that happen? Jen, I hope you find the inspiration you're looking for.

I have an organic spaghetti squash roasting in the oven. A little good quality olive oil, some salt and freshly cracked pepper...mmmmm.

Fall weather has finally arrived here. And fall colors are popping up along the landscape,too! The kids (and their mommy and daddy, too!) are excited to go trick-or-treating on Friday. I'm dressing up as a nurse. How original! Erik is going to be Mr. Incredible. Hailey is a snow queen. Noah is Scooby Doo. And I'm sure Andy will come up with something, hopefully not a zombie farmer like last year. It kinda freaked me out.

I have an announcement I'm proud to make: the Bruckman family now RECYCLES!!! It's only been 2 days, and I am shocked at how much is in the recycle bin and how little is in the trash can (at least compared to what it used to be!) Fortunately we live in a city that takes just about anything that can be recycled. It feels good deep down in the core of my being to know I am making a difference and taking care of my planet.

I have also been switching over to cleaning products and personal care/cosmetic products that are eco-friendly and good for my body. I've gotten some great tips from reading:

Sophie is practical and just precious! I love the videos on her website. While I'm on the topic of going GREEN (or practicing good stewardship of my home and body) I'd like to point you to Simple Shoes from whom I'm expecting a package tomorrow, yippeeee!!! My tootsies can't wait.

Well, I think that's enough for now. The spaghetti squash is about done.

Ack!!!!!!!

I've got clinicals at the hospital this weekend. One of the patients has to be weighed every morning. A classmate and I were learning how to use the big scale, and I don't know what we were thinking but we decided to weigh ourselves! (I hadn't stepped on a scale in months.)

I have gained 23 pounds since my first day of nursing school.

I can be thankful, at least, for the abundance in my life. And the opportunity to receive a good education. And dreams coming true.

"Burned" Out!

For lecture yesterday we had a guest speaker. He's an RN at the only burn center in the state of Arkansas. I had been looking forward to hearing all of the information because my husband was badly burned and spent a month in a burn unit when he was a child. The pictures we saw yesterday were gruesome and horrifying. It was good to learn about the common causes of burns and ways to prevent them. It was great to learn a little bit of first aid regarding burns. It was heartwarming to hear successful recovery stories and see photos of a burn patient after months and years of healing. It really amazes me what those health care professionals are able to do to save lives, improve appearance, and restore function to those burn patients.

My friends know I'm really interested in both critical care and surgery. Well, I learned yesterday that the burn center would give me plenty of experience in both of those areas! Plus, I'm all about safety and a small nurse-patient ratio... at the burn center there is often one (or even two!) nurse for each critical patient. It's no cakewalk... there was a photo of a patient with so many machines, bags of fluid, dialysis, ventilator, etc., that you couldn't even see the patient in the bed. I'm very curious about this area of nursing. So I'm going to shadow a burn center nurse for a couple hours and see first hand just what they do.

I'm not sure I could handle working with burn victims except that someone took good care of my husband when he was a 2 year old burn patient. I am grateful to those individuals, and it would be an honor for me to do the same for someone else.